Hawt Biznez

After several years of questionable tax practices (just kidding Mr. IRS-man), I have finally made it official. MacPhoenix Design is open for business. Now let the millions come rolling in.

Despite being a poor schlub, I like to do the right thing as far as software and fonts and such. When I’m working on something for myself, like Halloween invites, I don’t stress too much about what typeface I’m using and how it was obtained, but when I do commercial work, even for things I put on CafePress, I like to make sure I actually own the typeface I used. I mean, it’s the very least I can do, since I am, uh, testing several hundred fonts.

Actually, I tend to stick to the fonts that Microsoft and Adobe install with their software, which fits my need, especially on the web, 90% of the time. But I used to work at Kinko’s, and people would install crazy amounts of fonts on the self-service computers there. When we cleaned the machines out, we would inevitably save a copy of whatever was put on there. On a SyQuest 88, of course. Ah, the memories.

Anyway, as I said, I like to do the right thing. Now that MacPhoenix Design is going legit, I decided that I really should get a license for Pike, the typeface that is the base for the MacPhoenix logo. I went to FontHaus to order it, and filled out the registration, when, during confirmation of my data, FontHaus told me I was already registered. I checked my voluminous email archive for a receipt from FontHaus, and, sure enough, I had purchased Pike over two years ago.

This made me feel exceptionally good about myself.

Posted by Jonathan at 04:18 PM, 30 November 2005 | Comments (1)

Diploma-mill spam

I’ve gotten a couple of weird spam emails in the past couple of weeks. My spam filters are set extraordinarily high, but occasionally a few creep through, like these two below, which had no actually web address to click on. Instead, I was invited to call a phone number that a reverse trace revealed to be somewhere in Washington state.

The first was titled Requested Material, which is a sure sign that I never requested the material:

Just a Reminder;

Our University Enrollment department has been trying to contact you. The date for enrolling in our 2 week degree program is ending on Friday, November 25th, 2005.

As of now we can only offer you a BA, BSc, or a MA. If you enroll by the due date then your degree of choice and transcripts can be sent to you within 2 weeks.

Enrollment Office:
1-206-xxx-1674

Riley Lewis
BSc Education
Administration Office

BSc Education, huh? That must be Ivy League. I can get a Bachelors or Masters degree in two weeks? Wow! Sounds easier than Harvard Business School, where any dumb president can earn a solid “C.”

The second, titled Re:Education, a lovely pun, was received two weeks later, where I was relieved to learn that they finally broke through the bureaucratic loggerhead that prevented them from offering me a doctorate in only two weeks. But I’m a little concerned about any University that can’t actually spell “university” correctly:

Attention:

Based on your present knowledge and past life experiences our University administration office has been trying to contact you. We feel you may qualify for one of our Univsersity(sic) degrees in your area of expertise.

We have been qualifying people based on thier experiences in past and present jobs and are offering qualified degrees with transcripts for those that qualify.

If you call our offices now we can confirm our information and send you either a Bachelors’, Masters’, or Doctorate within 2 weeks.

Administration Office Number:
1-206-xxx-1674

Administration Hours:
24 hours, 7 Days a week, including Sundays and Holidays

University Administration
Eric Moore
Client Identification: Q6491

This one didn’t even put in the “BSc Education” name, which is probably nonsense anyway, and just settled for the ubiquitous University Administration. So is this a guy in a basement with a laser printer and some fancy paper who prints up degrees on demand? I’m tempted to call up and ask for a degree in Cartoonology or somesuch. Something that would really help me get ahead, you know?

And what a difference a dash makes. I originally read “past life experiences” as “past-life experiences” and thought of Scientology, but it was just phrased awkwardly and not actually referring to my previous existence as Charlemagne, which would easily earn me a degree in “Bat-shit Crazy.”

Posted by Jonathan at 08:41 AM, 28 November 2005 | Comments (1)

Red light, green light, 1-2-3

Jinx, our well-dressed turkey of a cat, considers herself the middle of our three-being clan. When she and I stare each other down, I win; she’ll look away first. But when Katherine and Jinx stare at each other, Jinx actually charges poor Katherine. Jinx doesn’t actually do anything but try to get Kathy to stop looking at her, but it bemuses poor Katherine while it never fails to amuse me.

The cat has lately taken to playing a game of chicken with Katherine that reminds me of the classic kids game, Red Light Green Light, where one kid stands towards one end of a yard, and the other kids can only move when the first kid is not looking. Jinx waits for Kathy to doze off. Katherine likes to fight falling to sleep, so she tends to get heavy-lidded and then pretend that nothing was happening if I look at her. But Jinx will take the opportunity to move closer to Katherine during these little 3-second nods. What’s particularly funny about this is that when Katherine opens her eyes again, Jinx will sit, wide-eyed, staring at Katherine, not moving again until Katherine succumbs to her exhaustion. Eventually, Jinx reaches Katherine, jumps right next to her, and scares the crap out of her.

At any point, of course, I could have stopped this, since I’m watching it all very intently. But that’s not what the top cat does.

Speaking of cats, I promised some weeks ago to post a picture of Annie, the cat of Erick and Michele’s that was killed by a car. In order to secure the photo, I had to mention that Bandit, their ferret, had died just before that from a blocked bladder. Two pets in just a week died for poor Erick and Michele. Now they’re just down to one bird… and five neighborhood/stray cats that Michele will probably entice into their house… and the three raccoons that feed on the same food that they leave out for the strays… and the baby which they’ll have in December. He’s not a pet, per se, but he’ll certainly be at their tender mercies.

Anyway, here’s the late Annie and Bandit sharing a meal:

Posted by Jonathan at 08:36 AM, 16 November 2005 | Comments (1)