Too much G

In 1992, I voted for Bill Clinton. Shortly after that, I was disappointed by almost everything that he did. At the time, I confused Democratic for Liberal, and Bill was such a good centrist. He moved the entire Democratic Party towards the muddled center. I switched parties, and voted down the Liberal line every election until they took my party away. (New York State no longer has a Liberal Party on the ballot.) So, I voted for Nader in 1996—and for “Grandpa” Al Lewis for Governor—and erroneously did the same in 2000. Well, I didn’t vote for Grandpa again, since he wasn’t on the ballot.

Anyway, what Bill did to really annoy me was throw his weight behind an FBI initiative called the “Clipper chip.” This was supposed to allow the FBI to eavesdrop on any cell phone communication with minimal hassle. We were assured that they would only do so after receiving a court order. The reason for this chip was to make it easy to break the encryption on cell phone transmissions, because even if the Feds could easily get the court order, it didn’t mean that they could understand what they were listening to.

But this was a bad idea on several levels. The first was the method of the “key,” by which the Fed would be able to tap the phone. The key was a long series of bits that would open up the phone’s encryption, but the government wasn’t about to tell anyone how long (it turned out to be 80-bits), which is important, because shorter bit-lengths are easier to crack. In other words, no one knew how secure a phone conversation would be, because some high-school kid could have broken into your Clipper chip. Or perhaps a business rival. Or a foreign agent.

Another problem, which proved to be the death knell for the ol’ Clipper chip, was that it would be required by law on every phone sold in America (or made by American companies), where the law was applicable. Of course, criminals and nefarious types could just get their phone in some other country, where the cell phones wouldn’t be hobbled by the chip, thus defeating the very “purpose” of the chip.

It was bad policy, and was abandoned in 1996, but the damage, in my mind at least, to the Clinton legacy was forever soldiered onto the circuit board of history. Or something. Bill Clinton was bad for personal privacy. And you know what? Privacy wonks called him on it.

Clinton dismantled Welfare. And Welfare advocates called him on it.

Clinton supported NAFTA (a policy signed into law under Bush Sr). And labor unions called him on it.

Don’t Ask; Don’t Tell? Astoundingly bad policy. No Liberal would ever support that.

Michael Moore called Bill Clinton the greatest Republican president we’ve ever had. And Moore was right.

So, it confuses me that so-called Conservatives have such a tough time calling Bush Jr on his cavalier disregard for Conservative principles. He’s as conservative as Clinton was liberal. What’s more, where one could make a good case that Clinton tacked to the right (to his success, I admit), economically and socially, Bush, rather than tacking towards the left or the right, is actually sinking the sailboat all together. Bush is totally off the charts on principles, ethics, and morals. But so few Republicans, Conservatives, or, damn them, Democrats dare to speak up. It’s inconceivable!

But maybe I’m not using that word right.

Then we have Drudge. The man who tried to take down the Clinton Administration, does his best to prop up the decaying hulk of the Dubya Junta, by, of course, blaming Clinton. Doesn’t hurt to keep your eyes shut that tightly? Can you breathe with your head buried so deeply? Wake up! Wake up! There is more danger to our nation wrapped in our flag than the pathetic plans of men who dream of martyrdom.

Posted by Jonathan at 01:24 AM, 21 December 2005 | Comments (1)

Kingly

In this time of the brutal War on Christmas, it takes a strong leader to remind us what is really important, which is the continual War on Reason. No matter how far into ignorance and blindness we must go, King George will lead us there, appointed by God, anointed by Jesus, and filled with the Holy Spirit.

King George. We are so lucky to have him. Any lesser man would be troubled by breaking the law over and over and over again. But unto the King, no laws need stand, for he is Law, and he is Justice, and he is merciful to his subjects, even when they disagree with him. And King George knows he must break the law to protect us, because otherwise we might vote for the opposition party, and they do not have the balls to do what is right in the face of imminent danger, oh yes one-day-in-the-nebulous-future-imminent danger.

King George. Appointed by God’s Heavenly Agents on Earth. Anointed by the press. Filled with Holy Spirit as only a dry drunk can be. Why were we the lucky ones? What if King George had been born unto the heathen oil-drillers? What if King George had had but one successful business venture instead of several failed ones before entering politics? What if King George had concentrated his whole life to ethics, sociology, history, politics, or economics? Would he still be our King?

Thankfully, these need no answer, because he his our King. And may God have mercy on us all.

Posted by Jonathan at 04:32 AM, 20 December 2005 | Comments (0)

I think I am, therefore I might be

From this quiz, (link via Orcinus), I found out that I’m an existentialist. I figured I’d be materialist, but, hey, who am I to argue with an unobjective, unscientific test? Wait! Who am I, period?

You scored as Existentialist. Existentialism emphasizes human capability. There is no greater power interfering with life and thus it is up to us to make things happen. Sometimes considered a negative and depressing world view, your optimism towards human accomplishment is immense. Mankind is condemned to be free and must accept the responsibility.

Existentialist		88%
Materialist		81%
Postmodernist		75%
Modernist		63%
Idealist		50%
Cultural Creative		44%
Romanticist		31%
Fundamentalist		25%

What is Your World View? (updated)
created with QuizFarm.com

This quiz is also written in some of the ugliest code I have on my site! Wheeee!

Posted by Jonathan at 05:28 PM, 16 December 2005 | Comments (10)

Lunatic Atheists

Lunatic fringe
In the twilight’s last gleaming
This is open season
But you won’t get too far
We know you’ve got to blame someone
For your own confusion
But we’re on guard this time
Against your final solution

Image from the Democratic Party. Link via Pharyngula. Lunatic Fringe by Red Rover.

Posted by Jonathan at 01:04 AM, 08 December 2005 | Comments (2)

Forward Thinking

So last night I’m driving down Lakeland Avenue, delivering fine foodstuffs for customers of Lynda’s Eat Well and Be Well, and it’s about an hour into a snow storm that will eventually dump 4 inches of snow in the area. Lakeland Ave, for those not familiar, is a four lane road and the speed limit is 50 MPH. It’s a fairly trafficked road, and at that point in the evening, even though it was late, the road was just wet; no snow was sticking to it, and the temperature was above freezing.

I mention all this, because as one of Long Island’s premier Offensive Drivers, I get impatient with hesitant drivers very quickly. And when ever there is snow in the air, people begin to drive very hesitantly, which reminds me of an aside:

When Katherine and I went to Las Vegas, we took a side trip to the Grand Canyon. We drove 6 hours to get there, and we didn’t see much of it, since it was cold and the sun was setting. I raced back in 4 and a half hours, determined not to stop or slow down for anything. In the middle of the ride back, it started to rain. It wasn’t a bad rain for driving, because it wasn’t so hard that it ruined visibility, and it wasn’t a drizzle that causes the oil embedded in the surface of the road to rise up and make everything dangerously slippery. It was just a steady rhythm of rain. But you wouldn’t have known it from the way everyone else was driving. And you wouldn’t have known it from the radio. The radio deejays were warning all of us to get indoors and stay off the roads.

The rains lasted about 40 minutes. I heard nothing about flooding or flood warnings anywhere in the area. They were all just crazy with fear about something that they only dealt with a few times a year.

And so it goes with Long Island drivers and snow. The very smell of it makes brake lights squeeze on.

I just want to get where I’m going. I don’t trust other drivers, and their supposed caution actually makes me far more nervous than anything else. Last night there were more cars driving in between lanes and mysteriously slowing down or stopping than any other time on the run I make every week. Visibility was fine—road conditions were fine. But some horrible white stuff was falling from an angry sky. God must be angry with us for saying Happy Holidays.

My patience wears thin faster than normal in such circumstances; although, that’s not saying much, since my patience is pretty threadbare to begin with. So when that stupid minivan started swerving into my lane, I thought I responded appropriately by flashing my lights a couple of times and beeping my horn. He moved back into his lane and withstood my withering glare as I passed him. But then the pinhead directly in front of me, began to brake indiscriminately. He had been going 60 MPH and was 4 or 5 car lengths ahead of me, with nothing but clear sailing in front of him. He slowed down to 30, and I passed, at which point he moved behind me and started flashing his brights at me. Idiot. If by some amazing chance that guy is reading this: Crackhead! You’re an insecure moron! Must be compensating for your tiny member!

Anyway, he continued this for a good minute or two, flashing his brights at me. Part of me wanted to stop the car in some amazing Steve McQueen maneuver, spinning around at just the right moment to block the other guy from moving around me, forcing him to slam on his brakes and, I don’t know, swerve into to tree or something. My anger, unchecked, will be the death of me, long before it destroys all pinheads. And besides, I had places to go and deliveries to make.

Now, people, please just get out my way.

Posted by Jonathan at 10:39 AM, 06 December 2005 | Comments (0)

Why does Honda hate Christmas?

With their Happy Honda Days advertising campaign, Honda proves that they are anti-Christian. We must boycott them. Remember, fellow Christian Warriors, the proper way to sell more cars in this holy season is with a Merry Chrysler.

Posted by Jonathan at 10:30 AM, 01 December 2005 | Comments (1)