I’ve gotten a couple of weird spam emails in the past couple of weeks. My spam filters are set extraordinarily high, but occasionally a few creep through, like these two below, which had no actually web address to click on. Instead, I was invited to call a phone number that a reverse trace revealed to be somewhere in Washington state.
\nThe first was titled *Requested Material*, which is a sure sign that I never requested the material:
\n>Just a Reminder;
\n>
\n>Our University Enrollment department has been trying to contact you.
\n>The date for enrolling in our 2 week degree program is ending on
\n>Friday, November 25th, 2005.
\n>
\n>As of now we can only offer you a BA, BSc, or a MA.
\n>If you enroll by the due date then your degree of choice and transcripts
\n>can be sent to you within 2 weeks.
\n>
\n>Enrollment Office:
\n>1-206-xxx-1674
\n>
\n>
\n>Riley Lewis
\n>BSc Education
\n>Administration Office
\n*BSc Education*, huh? That must be Ivy League. I can get a Bachelors or Masters degree in two weeks? Wow! Sounds easier than Harvard Business School, where any dumb president can earn a solid “C.”
\nThe second, titled *Re:Education*, a lovely pun, was received two weeks later, where I was relieved to learn that they finally broke through the bureaucratic loggerhead that prevented them from offering me a doctorate in only two weeks. But I’m a little concerned about any University that can’t actually spell “university” correctly:
\n>Attention:
\n>
\n>Based on your present knowledge and past life experiences our University administration office has been trying to contact you. We feel you may qualify for one of our Univsersity*(sic)* degrees in your area of expertise.
\n>
\n>We have been qualifying people based on thier experiences in past and present jobs and are offering qualified degrees with transcripts for those that qualify.
\n>
\n>If you call our offices now we can confirm our information and send you either a Bachelors’, Masters’, or Doctorate within 2 weeks.
\n>
\n>
\n>Administration Office Number:
\n>1-206-xxx-1674
\n>
\n>Administration Hours:
\n>24 hours, 7 Days a week, including Sundays and Holidays
\n>
\n>University Administration
\n>Eric Moore
\n>Client Identification: Q6491
\nThis one didn’t even put in the “BSc Education” name, which is probably nonsense anyway, and just settled for the ubiquitous *University Administration*. So is this a guy in a basement with a laser printer and some fancy paper who prints up degrees on demand? I’m tempted to call up and ask for a degree in *Cartoonology* or somesuch. Something that would really help me get ahead, you know?
\nAnd what a difference a dash makes. I originally read “past life experiences” as “past-life experiences” and thought of Scientology, but it was just phrased awkwardly and not actually referring to my previous existence as [Charlemagne][1], which would easily earn me a degree in “Bat-shit Crazy.”
\n[1]: http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Charlemagne “Anyone with European blood in them is supposedly related to him. At least according to Kurt Vonnegut.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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