Jurassic Park III
Jurassic Park III is the touching and wonderous story of Dina, the Carnosaur with the heart of gold. Dina’s been working the corner down by the quarry hoping for some extra cash when the cold and manipulative Tyrannosaur comes her way. He really digs the way she swings her tail and after offering her $2000 to spend a week with him, the two are fast company on a killing spree from hell, avenging all the political and social atrocities ever to plague the Stone Age. With camera in tow, the duo is running for their lives in a stolen convertible racing for the edge of that cliff when....
Now, if the clever people wanted to update their most valuable franchise, don’t you at least think the above passage would have been a good place to start? I mean, girl power is in. Take advantage of it. As it stands, JPIII has only one girl (Tea Leoni) and all she can seem to do is run and scream. Actually, that’s all anyone can seem to do in these films. Because a Jurassic Park film is not about character or plot development or even carefully executed stunt work. It’s about watching people get ripped limb from limb by large, fang-toothed monsters from WAY BACK and laughing your ass off from the safety of your over-stuffed rocking lounger as the cast run and scream for their lives. Which begs the question: How does this differ from a standard slasher flick? Sure it features animals doing the killing, but how do you categorize someone like Freddy or Jason, Michael Myers or Hannibal Lecter? Are they human or have they crossed the line into animal behavior? Why is it that when a horror film like Halloween or Scream or Friday the 13th gets released, the media and Middle America get concerned for our values and safety, but the all out killing spree that is Jurassic Park gets turned into a media event? Sure, dinosaurs aren’t real, but don’t just as many people die in these films for no other reason than entertainment?
I’m not against these films being released, but let’s call them what they are — dino-slasher films! I can explain the plot perfectly in this fashion: Dr. Grant (Sam Neill) our hero, being the survivor who can’t get the others to believe they are in the midst of a psycho-killer’s haunt; the Kirbys (William H. Macy and Tea Leoni), who don’t believe Grant and will pay for that offense; the nameless members of the Kirby entourage who are just there to be killed; Grant’s assistant Billy (Alessandro Nivola), the only ally our hero has in this adventure; the stupidity it requires to go back to the place that almost got you killed (you should know better than to go in that haunted house!); giving the animals human-like intelligence and characteristics (as opposed to giving the humans animal-like characteristics); endless chase sequences accompanied by a symphony of screaming; leaving the door open for the next film in the series, etc. The only thing this film doesn’t do is destroy the killer (i.e. the dinosaurs). Think about this: You know that people are trying to get on this island left and right and that people are dying in numbers big and small to do so and what do you do? NOTHING! You leave it alone for the next movie.
Stupid humans.
The acting in the film is hard to judge. Johnston has assembled cast that can actually act if need be, but in this setting, all they need do is run, which everyone seems to be able to do okay. As noted, Leoni has the added task of screaming her head off, which she seems capable of doing at any moment.