Tomcats
Updated 28 May 01
Screw Gladiator! In the best film of 2000, Almost Famous, a sexy Band Aid named Saphire makes her grand entrance by shouting the words "Does anyone remember laughter?" Well, obviously the makers of Tomcats remember how hard they laughed during the "classic" horny-dude coming-of-age story Porky’s. They also must remember how many millions the film raked in at the box office because there isn’t any other way to explain how this film exists in this day and age. Even the poster plays on another 80s horny-dude "classic" Hardbodies. Do you sense where this is going?
I won’t waste your time with a plot synopsis or character analysis or even tell you what I thought of Tomcats. Instead, I’ll let you rate how funny you think the film is with a synopsis of the following scene:
Our poor hero has just been denied by the girl of his dreams (in a library of all places!) and vows to wash that girl right out of his hair by sleeping with the first woman he sees. When that lucky girl turns out to look like Louie Anderson in a blonde wig, our hero settles for the cute librarian with the red hair and thick glasses, who will certainly be a easy score. After a chaste night of getting to know each other, the young librarian takes him home to meet Grammy and have some tea. When she finally shows him the bedroom, complete with fuzzy stuffed animals, he knows he’s made it. Imagine his surprise when he learns the cute and fuzzy bunny rabbits on the bed are really handcuffs, our cute redheaded friend turns out to be a dominatrix who lives to induce pain and the walls of her cozy bedroom fall away to reveal a variety of whips and chains! Imagine his relief when, after a huge spanking with a rather large paddle with a giant "A" on it (a literary reference to The Scarlet Letter, obviously the Demi Moore version), she reveals that her heart just isn’t in it tonight because something is missing. Then who should bust the door down in thigh-high leather boots, motorcycle hat, riding crop and leather teddy but dear old grandma, cracking her whip and proclaiming proudly "Here’s Grammy!" (obviously a literary allusion to that classic masterwork The Shining. Who says nobody reads anymore?)
If you laughed once during that entire scene, I’m flattered. If you laughed twice, then you can probably catch the next show if you leave now.