Jesus Christ was a cool cat
I say the things that’ll make you think
so think about that
Break out your sandals and grow your hairs long
Live in a civilization where whores belong
… helping the poor get on
… healing the sores’ on
all those engrossed by that leprosy.
Your problem’s with all them that lack verity:
He wasn’t talkin’ about no heresy!
Back in his day, we’d have it his way:
International harmony.
No inter-denominational jealousy going on
it’s been wrong for so long,
you know what I mean?
Don’t worry, I’ll help you to see:

Come with me to 13 years anno Domini
I gotta get this all into ya
Where he at?
Christ was in my land called India.
What? You’ve never heard this?
His-story’s been subverted, perverted.
Jesus Christ was a cool cat,
He don’t deserve this!
But what makes it absurd is
that we want him to be
as we want him to be…
So we just improvise!
Blonde hair and blue eyes?
Heh… You’re beggin’ for a big surprise!
But who’s fooling who?
Christ is from the land of the sand.
(100% Pure Jew.)

But back to the lecture at hand.
Back to my land of the Hindus,
That’s where he picked up his Good News…
No.
I ain’t tryin’ to fool you.
I ain’t making this up
to just shake it all up.
Look this shit up!
I got it simply like Ripley’s…
Believe it or not, all I’m saying’s all true.
But after all, what’s it to you?
Do you even care?
Do you even have a thought?
Do you have a clue?
Jesus Christ’s no Santa Clause…
25th, sit, and get your gifts:
Your new PlayStation 2.
Yeah, Christ died on that cross for you.

As I was sayin’…
Jesus Christ was a cool cat.
I hear your moans and groans,
you’ve grown, so you won’t believe that.
So look at what is all this…
You see, what is wrong to begin with,
We took the Christ out of Christmas.
It’s what we might be all missin’
as we try to get our kids to start listenin’.
It’s broke. So folks tried to fix it:
We tell our kids to watch their behavior
or we don’t get them their gifts,
is Santa Clause our new savior?
We’re good Clause-fearing guys:
if he says his byes to us before buying for us, we fear.
Have you been naughty or nice this year?
See that’s the real question
that I’m beggin’
to get answered…
So now put away your Rudolphs,
your Dancers, your Prancers,
Take away your coat and kick away your shoes off,
and listen up right here:

Cuz once again my home will be the only dark one on the street
Cuz I said if you want those lights up,
it ain’t gonna be me freezing off my teats…
Cuz I chose, long ago, not to put up our old,
fake-ass Christmas tree
Cuz American don’t mean Christian to me.
Ornamental angels
lay dormant in my basement
in case when and if I recant
these tormented statements.
Your faith’s meant to celebrate
the sanctity of Christianity.
That veneration may sound like shit to this generation,
But it matters to me:
Cuz I don’t wanna be
another rat gatherin’ cheesy red-and-green wrapped packaging
as seen in People magazine.
Then again, I’m not against giving gifts,
just resent mis-giving… is what this is:
I’ll give for no reason in this festive season of the new year.
But if you insist on those gifts,
who am I to wreck your Christian Cheer?

But enough has been said about that.
And it don’t change the facts:
Jesus Christ was a cool cat.
Since all in all is all we always are
I want to keep Christ nailed to the wall, ahead my head
Not nailed to the cross, bleeding to death,
breathing last breaths, with nothing left
but his best witnesses…
For I too have questioned whether or not
such a man ever existed.
I’m not forgetting he professed he’s prophetic
I just regret it’s used
to mis-credit a dude
that may or may not have not said it
How pathetic… just let him get some credit:
Cuz in the final analysis,
even if Jesus never lived
then someone like him did.

So I’ll just imagine a beautiful man
in a far-off land holding hands
with a herd of men and women, white, black, and tan
by his side, full of life, all around from all backgrounds,
walking down the street, all marchin’ to his different beat:
smiling and happy, giggling and laughing,
singing how great it can be.
See, Jesus Christ was a cool cat
cuz this is all that he wishes
so remember him as he really is
as you have yourself a merry little Christmas.