Mass-produced Signs of Free Thinking

I’m getting my car inspected at the local Pep-Boys, so I go into the retail section and look for some sort of clever sticker that I can apply to my LeBarge. Currently, the only ornamentation of any kind is an AARP sticker warning the young hoodlums not to steal my car.

Patriotism is the theme of the current bunch of stickers. This doesn’t surprise me, but I gotta be different, so no flags, no “America will kick yer Arab-ass,” no “God Bless our Godblessed Ameri-God-ca” for me. I admit the Eurostyle sticker with black “USA” type surrounded by a white oval did intrigue me, but these, too, are very over used these days, with 1 of every 3 cars around here displaying the Vermont “VT” version of these things. Oh, yeah, guys, it is so amazing that you drove 4 hours into a bordering state to go skiing. I’m so impressed.

Anyway, the other stickers are all Harley-Davidson, mag-wheel, super-car type things, and I’m just not into that, despite having pure American V8 power under my hood. Shit, I’d lose all those sucka, suped-up tiny Jap cars in no time, but, check it, I ain’t about that.

If they had a Welsh-flag sticker, I’d put that on my car. My old VW had one. I’m moderately proud of my WASPish geneology, plus the Welsh flag has a really cool red griffin on it. It gives me some street cred to, since everyone knows that the Welsh were trodden upon by the English, but there was no Welsh flag.

Surprisingly, nothing with the Yankees, either. The Yankees are my biggest chink in my dare-to-be-different armor. Boy, it sure is difficult to be a fan of one of the most successful baseball teams of all times. But part of my blood is pin-striped blue, so I don’t fight it. Yankees rule, but not at Pep-Boys.

So Pep-Boys fails me, an iconoclast looking for some sort of mass-produced item to represent my uniqueness. Damn them. What will I ever put on my car to share with the world how clever and different I am? Oh, wait, I know I’ve got one of those Apple Computer stickers around here. That’ll do.

Posted by Jonathan at 12:37 AM, 10 July 2002

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