The Scene: Two men, hairless, dressed in white jumpsuits stand next to each other in a totally white, sterile room. The men possibly have green concentric rings on their bald heads. The UPC identification tattoos, across their foreheads, are fuzzed out to prevent unauthorized cloning. Both men are glumly eating :|COW PRODUCT®|: bars. First Man: Did you know that people used to complain about foraging in the forest for nuts and berries? Second Man: Gee. (Taking another bite from :|COW PRODUCT®|:.) What I wouldn’t give for some nuts and berries, now! First Man: Yeah, but since there are no more forests, or nuts, or berries, or plant life left on Earth, we’ll never get the opportunity. (Sighs.) Announcer: Wait, fellows! Now :|COW PRODUCT®|: comes in two flavors: Original great-tasting Cow Flavor™, and new Nut-N-Berry Flavor™! The :|COW PRODUCT®|: bars in their hands turn magically into new Nut-N-Berry Flavor™. Both Men: Wow! Thanks :|COW PRODUCT®|:! :|COW PRODUCT®|: theme song plays, while the two men eat the transformend bars enthusiastically. Announcer (In softer, faster, disclaimer voice): :|COW PRODUCT®|: is a registered trademark of Archer TySony Food Concerns, LLC, Inc. :|COW PRODUCT®|: contains no meat products, since all the animals were wiped out, too.

  • Chris Rasmussen

    [COW PRODUCT] Now that’s a name you can trust!

  • Loser

    Hey where can I get some!