James Dobson thinks I am gay

Over at the [Huffington Post] [1], Gene Stone [writes] [2] about Supreme Court nominee John Roberts and his possible connection to those horrible gay people. It seems that Roberts did some pro bono work on a gay rights case in Colorado, and now some scary right-wing fundies are all twisted in their knickers over this.
Stone continues with ultra-fundie, and super-dolt, [James Dobson’s] [3] warning signs for parents that their sons might be gay. Let’s take a look at some of these:
>1. Your boy has a strong feeling he is “different from other boys.”
>2. “A tendency to cry easily, be less athletic, and dislike the roughhousing that other boys enjoy.”
>3. “A persistent preference to play female roles in make-believe play.”
>4. “A strong preference to spend time in the company of girls and participate in their games and other pastimes.”
>5. “A susceptibility to be bullied by other boys, who may tease them unmercifully and call them ‘queer,’ ‘fag’ and ‘gay.'”
>6. “A tendency to walk, talk, dress and even ‘think’ effeminately.”
>7. “A repeatedly stated desire to be — or insistence that he is — a girl.”
A quick tally gives me at least 5 out of the 7 warning signs that I was going to turn gay/am gay/will one day admit that I am gay. This would bother me, if I believed that, a) there is something wrong with homosexuality, and b) humans are either homosexual or heterosexual and that their is nothing in between, which is a subject for a much more in-depth discussion, but nevermind that for the moment.
Instead, let’s look back at that list. 1) different from other boys. I would think is common to a vast majority of little boys. We’re all taught to be heroes, and since heroes rise above the crowd, we’d have to feel different. I believe Sesame Street would call it Being Special. That’s a ridiculous warning sign for homosexuality, but a perfectly good warning sign for children who are beginning to think independently and will separate themselves from their family unit. I believe this is what causes James Dobson to think individuality is the Devil’s work.
2) crying, less athletic, disliking roughhousing. Shit. That’s me in a nutshell. I broke down every time one of those stupid birds died in [March of the Penguins] [4]. I am not physically fit, and I hate when my friends start smacking each other in the guise of “practicing ninjitsu.” Honestly, I think obsessing about the body and touching other men indicates a propensity for homosexuality! But not being a man’s man, I wouldn’t really know.
3) playing feminine roles. Sure, I’ve played the sorceress in [Diablo II] [5], and a couple of my main characters in my short stories have been female. I kind of think of this as “relating to the opposite sex” or “indulging in fantasy.” I can understand why this would scare the crap out of Dobson.
4) likes spending time with girls and engaging in feminine pastimes. This one cracks me up. Okay, first, is not the definition of a heterosexual man, “a male attracted to females of the same species”? Why would I not like to spend time with girls? As a little boy, the girls were always so much more interesting to me. They smelled better, wore prettier clothes, and tended not to hit me (see #2). Then, too, I took to cooking before I ever took to baseball (I am assuming to a guy like Dobson, cooking is a feminine pastime). This isn’t to say that I didn’t have male friends growing up. In fact, it never made a difference to me as a kid. Kids were kids, and if you were in the same neighborhood as me, you either were my friend or my hated enemy, usually both within the same day. This one is really stupid. Dobson is beginning to confuse homosexuality with being comfortable with feminine roles. I think only 5 year-olds confuse gays with sissies.
5) being bullied. Right. This has nothing to do with the cruel child pecking order. If you are picked on by larger boys, you are gay. Great. I went to school with a kid with an obvious glandular problem. He was my age, but about four times my weight and twice my height. He was also a grade lower than me. I wore glasses, kept to myself, and didn’t engage in roughhousing, so, like Dobson, this kid thought I was gay. Well, maybe not gay, but always a “faggot.” He called me that so often that the bus driver took pity on me and told everyone that a faggot is just a bundle of sticks. Strangely, the teasing didn’t stop. Dobson really does have the logical powers of a pre-teen.
6) walk, talk, and think like a woman. I know a couple of homosexual men, and I think they’d say that they walk, talk, and think like themselves, but if forced to lump themselves in with a gender, they’d say, “men,” homosexual men, of course. Being attracted to men doesn’t make one a woman. This is the dangerous aspect to ignorance. Now some male children may “think” like women, and determine that they actually want to be women. I bet most of them grow out of it. I bet those that do not are so confused by their sexuality that they can’t judge for themselves whether they are hetero- or homosexual. Sexuality and gender is a bit more complicated that most of us want to believe.
7) wanting to be girl. See #6.
And whatever. These ignorant, but supposedly pious people, like James Dobson, can’t even be trusted to interpret the Bible correctly. Why would anyone look to them for advice on determining homosexuality in children?
[4]: “Those little guys were pretty cute.”
[5]: “and the barbarian, and the necromancer, and the druid…”