Author: MacPhoenix

Categories
Lexijon

The Lexijon: Busted

There’s this shop on Rt 25 out in Smithtown called “U R Busted,” which cracks me up every time I see it. I think it’s a lawyer specializing in defending drug possession cases, but it may also be a bail bondsman. It’s not too clear. The sign, however, causes me great mirth whenever I pass by it.
It also makes me think of the time that my best friend, Erick, ragged on me for using the word *busted*, to describe something that was broken. We were working in *Sears*, which puts this is a tight 4-month frame in the winter of 1992. We were in the hardware section, meaning that half the time, we dealt with people returning old and broken tools under the *Craftsman* lifetime guarantee. I think *Sears* has since limited this program.
So someone came in with something that didn’t work, and I asked Erick where the replacement part would be, saying that the object in question was “busted.” Well this caused Erick great mirth. He kept repeating “busted,” and told other people that I said something was “busted.” When I said that it was a perfectly reasonable use of the word, he dismissed me. We eventually had to go to a dictionary–a paper one. We didn’t use computers or the internet to search for meaning back then. Entry number 2 of the word *bust* in my **Webster’s Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary** has it as a synonym for break or burst. It was coined in the 1860s, which is even older than I am.
But it never left me how hard he ribbed me for using *busted* to mean something broken. I still use the word, and I enjoy “Busting Up a Starbucks,” by Mike Doughty, a bit more than I suspect most people do.

Categories
TMX

Tuesday Music Exchange: Pretzel Logic v Cowgirl

When Rich and I first discussed [Lingua Shapta][1], we knew that we had a common musical ground in our appreciation for the band [Soul Coughing][2]. What we didn’t realize at the time, however, was that our musical pasts were completely divergent. Rich was immersed in Hip Hop, Industrial, and Techno, where as I was all Prog Rock, Psychedelic, and Grunge. It limited our conversations about music at first, because excepting the recent past, where we began to converge, we shared little in what we considered *essential* music.
But that was ten years ago. (Yipes!) Since then, we’ve had a decade of commonality in our musical surroundings. Even if I’m reluctant to admit the talent of someone like Eminem, I’m more than aware of his presence in pantheon of popular music, so the conversations about music and style are far more productive than they had been all those years ago. Still, because the two of us were shaped by our earlier musical influences, there’s still gaps in our understanding of each other.
So Rich proposed a musical exchange. Each week we would give each other a track to listen to. We would comment on the tracks and get each other’s comments on the track. I thought that was interesting, so I said I’d post them.
Here’s our first exchange:
I sent Rich “[Pretzel Logic][5],” by Steely Dan. In my email to him, this is what I wrote:
> Well, if we’re gonna go with music that the other one isn’t exposed to, I’ll have to start off with Steely Dan. I’m pretty sure your exposure to them is limited and you probably can’t stand them. ;)
>
> Steely Dan is one of the bands that’s both respected and vilified by critics. They’re consummate musicians, but too cold and aloof, apparently. I don’t know from any of that. I think their music is a perfect mix of jazz and rock, and their lyrics are clever and often misanthropic, which is pretty much my style all around. Hmm…, maybe I just justified the cold and aloof charge against them.
>
> Anyway, this song, “Pretzel Logic,” is a smooth blend of Dixieland and country rock. The thing about the Dan is that it’s hard to date when the music. Almost everything they do has a late 70s vibe and late 90s production values. I won’t give away when this one was recorded, but you’re pretty savvy with the ‘net, so if you must know, it’s just a few clicks away. ;)
For those readers who must know, it came out in 1974. You can’t tell that from the recording though. The Dan had amazing production quality.
Rich then sent me “[Cowgirl][6],” by Underworld. In his email to me, this what he wrote:
> Thanks for the Steely Dan track! I can’t wait to spend some time with it (as soon as American Idiot- er i mean American Idol is done!) The only song i really know by Steely Dan is “Bodhisattva” which is pretty groovin’, so i’m looking forward to this! The only other thing I know is that [they really don’t like touring][3] and don’t really care about the fan’s response to that, so maybe that’s in part where their reputation for aloofness comes from.
>
> Here’s the first song I’d like to offer in our exchange….
>
> The song is Cowgirl by Underworld from their first album [Dubnobasswithmyheadman][4], released in 1994.
>
> This song is the epitomal underworld song, and probably in my top ten songs of all time. (Only the best for you, Supa!)
>
> Right from the start, it puts me in a sonic and emotional space. I love how rhythmical the vocal loops are and how well they integrate into the sonic soundscape without defining a distinction of “this is the music, these are the vocals.” There is just music, and it’s a great trip. This song has taken me places both in my mind and on the dancefloor. The structure and development of the song is also something to note, as each element gets it’s moment to shine, and the song seems to never stop evolving.
>
> Plus, it works in the club, at the rave, in headphones, and as listening music–how cool is that?!
Next week, I’ll post our findings on these two songs, and the next two songs we’ll be exchanging.
[1]: http://www.linguashapta.com/
[2]: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soul_Coughing
[3]: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steely_Dan#Pretzel_Logic._.281974.29
[4]: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Underworld_%28band%29#Darren_Emerson_joins_the_duo:_1991.E2.80.931994
[5]: http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?playlistId=64295&s=143441&i=64287
[6]: http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?playlistId=42027216&s=143441&i=42027199

Categories
Short Subjects

So I thought about getting my hair cut…

Jonathan on Saturday March 10, 2007 after just getting his hair cut.
It was long overdue. And from working in the vegetarian kitchen, where much of my day is spent standing over a huge pot of steaming onions, my hair stinks. Now that 4/5th of it is gone, I hope to have shampoo-smelling hair in a day or two.

Categories
Essays

Knee-jerk Reactions

Here’s logic I’ll never understand: When a horrific crime is reported, the media ask, “Are our laws tough enough?” This is one of those knee-jerk reactions that fall apart on any amount of scrutiny.
In particular, I’m thinking of [Karen Fisher][1] who was arrested for killing Monsignor William Costello, last July, while driving drunk. There was a round of “Are our DWI laws tough enough?” with the easy, but unjustified, answer being, “No.”
It was Karen Fisher’s third arrest for drunk driving, and, while this had been the first time she killed someone, her second arrest had been made while she was driving her two children. Obviously, this is a woman with a problem. And Newsday was filled with letters asking why she still had a license. That’s a fair question, but it doesn’t get to the root of the matter.
The woman is a drunk.
License or no, she’s got a problem. In the above linked article, after she made a plea agreement, which pivots on a successful alcohol treatment program, Fisher’s bail had been revoked because she was kicked out of the program for drinking.
Shall we ask, “Are our alcohol treatment programs tough enough?”
This is an inherent conundrum when it comes to the law: Those people who break it don’t care about it. They don’t care what the penalties are. They don’t care how it will ruin the lives of their loved ones. They don’t care.
But those of us who are law abiding seem to gladly make stronger and stricter laws that will eventually swallow up people who make single mistakes or are wrongly accused or do things that were once socially acceptable. You’re next smokers.
This isn’t to say that drunk driving shouldn’t be illegal. It should. It’s assault with a deadly weapon with intent to harm. But Karen Fisher wouldn’t be stopped by the severest laws on the books, because she is beyond alcoholic. She’s psychologically unable to not drink until she’s drunk. This doesn’t portend the break down of society. She’s got a problem that only she will be able to stop, no matter what the law says.
Knee-jerk reactions to this are worse for our society, however. Shortly after Fisher’s crime, and not too long after an equally horrific case where a driver, going the wrong way on a major parkway, killed a man and a child in a limousine, Newsday had a letter that shocked the hell out of me.
I’m paraphrasing, but this was really the message:
>Drunk drivers, like the guy going the wrong way and careening into a limousine, are obviously drunk. Why bother with a trial? The police know someone is drunk right away. It costs money to try these people, and there is always a chance that some stupid jury or shark lawyer can get them off scott-free. Let the police decide, then and there, the severity of the crime.
Now, if that doesn’t scare the fucking piss out of you, then you can stop reading anything else I ever write.
[1]: http://www.newsday.com/news/local/longisland/ny-lifish0302,0,7551760.story?coll=ny-li-bigpix

Categories
As seen in media

That's beautiful, daddy-o

> Lincoln is still the only head of state in the world to submit himself to an election during a revolution, during a rebellion, during a Civil War.
[Found here.][1]
[1]: http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/horsesmouth/2007/02/pundit_who_publ.php

Categories
Rant

Less is more

Recently, we got a product notice in the kitchen telling us that the brand of tofu we order was being replaced by another. Both brands were organic, but the new brand was superior by way of packaging, apparently. The new brand, Woodstock Farms, highlighted their colorful packaging in the notice, and emphasized how there was no difference in the manufacturing or the quality of the product. Except, of course, there was. The new brands were an ounce less than the originals.
When I found out about the change, I asked the kitchen manager, Tara, if the new packages were smaller. I had noticed previously at supermarkets that Nasoya, a popular brand, had just changed their packaging to look more gourmet, more classy, and took the opportunity to sell less of their product for a little more money. They went from $1.89 for 15 oz. to $2.19 for 14 oz. at my local supermarket. I stopped buying Nasoya, and learned that Trader Joe’s has a private label 15 oz. for $1.19.
Anyway, at the kitchen, Tara said that nothing on the flyer indicated that the new packaging contained less. We had to look at the tiny images of the packages on the notice to see that the new ones, indeed, had less than the original.
This has been going on for years, of course. Products like coffee and ice cream, which traditionally had been sold by the pound and half gallon, respectively, had been nudged down years ago, when the products prices shot up. Coffee is now 13 to 14 oz, and ice cream is 1.5 to 1.75 quarts. It’s fine that the manufacturers do this so they can keep the price down, but it often strikes me as tricky. I’m happy that they’re mandated to put the actual amount we’re getting in these things, but I wish consumers were more aware of this.
In the past month I noticed a couple of other products shrinking in order to keep the price level the same:
* Barilla tomato sauce. Was 26 oz. Changed the packaging to look more gourmet. Now 24 oz. Price $2.99. 8% less product or 8% cost increase, depending on your outlook.
* Marcal 6 pack 1000-sheet toilet paper. Packaging changed to reflect 100% recycled paper. Price $3.99. This one was sneaky. Even though each roll is still 1000 sheet, the old package was 750 sq ft, and the new is 675 sq ft. 10% less product.
I’ve noticed this trend in juices, too. If the package is cardboard, we’re still getting a full half gallon, but when these same products are in plastic containers, we’re getting around 54 to 56 oz. That’s 13 to 16% less product.
Being a savvy consumer is difficult and time-consuming, and I’m sure manufacturers and retailers are expecting that we don’t notice these changes, but as I come across them, I’m going to post them. These things shouldn’t be hidden behind fancy packaging.

Categories
Short Subjects

Hershey's Heath Cookies

Last night, I tried *Hershey’s* “Heath Milk Chocolate Layered Cookies.” These are square-shaped sandwich cookies, with a toffee flavored filling. And they’re not good.
The first thing that I noticed was the strong buttery scent upon opening the package. It was so strong that it reminded me of margarine, which smells like a parody of butter. But when I tasted it, the scent and flavor mingled into butter cream, super sweet butter cream.
Now, I like toffee. It’s not necessarily on my list of favorite flavors, but I do like it. When it is done right it has a butterscotch subtlety–a long, mellow flavor that lingers after it’s consumed. The cookie, on the other hand, tasted like a wedding cake dipped in granulated sugar. It was too sweet. I had just finished a *Starbucks* Mocha Frappachino, too, so my palate was already desensitized to sweetness. Nothing should be that sugary, with the exception of eating a quarter-cup of plain sugar crystals.
The filling has a crunchiness to it, which I assume is meant to imply little toffee flakes, but, instead, it just reinforces the sugariness, as if the cream is so filled with sugar, some it didn’t dissolve.
The selling point behind these cookies is that they are made with real milk chocolate; a counterpoint, one presumes, against *Nabisco* Oreos and their dark chocolate wafers, which apparently the American consumer has been loathing for over 100 years. The problem with *Hershey’s* solution, though, is that I couldn’t taste the cookie. My taste buds were burnt out from the super sweetness, so that the wafer could have tasted like dry cardboard, and I could not appreciate the fine quality of the milk chocolate that they bake into every cookie.
There were two other flavors of these cookies on the shelves. One was a vanilla cream filling, and the other was peanut butter. I doubt I will be trying either one of them.

Categories
Rant

What was your tipping point?

Over at [TMP][1], Josh Marshall asks this question:
>November 2004 to November 2006 represented a remarkable turnabout for President Bush and the Republican party. Was there one key event responsible more than any other for the reversal of fortune: Katrina, Iraq, Social Security, Abramoff? What was the tipping point? We’re [discussing this now at TPMCafe][2].
And I think that as far as American public opinion goes, it was Katrina. Really, there’s no question about that to me. Suddenly, overnight, there were working men and women talking about the idiots in Washington. The idiots were always there of course, but Katrina ended the playtime fantasy that Bush was our daddy/savior.
The press didn’t begin to turn around until the Foley scandal. Suddenly, overnight, the pretty people on our televisions started hinting at a Democratic take over of Congress. This was amazingly crass. Foley was embarrassing, sure, but did real people actually care about it? I don’t believe so. The press did, however, because they are part of Washington, and they hate things that embarrass the Washington establishment. I will offer the *Hunt for Clinton’s Penis* as Exhibit #1,634, proving that the press doesn’t care about America. Rather, it attempts to destroy those that scandalize the elite of Washington D.C.
There were those in the press that saw Katrina for what it was, which was a complete fuck-up from the top to the bottom of our nation’s emergency services. (To be fair, the Coast Guard did exactly what it should, with [the resources it had][3].) But the press didn’t move aggressively enough to highlight the deficiencies within the government that would lead to such mismanagement. Part of that, I believe, is that journalists and reporters themselves feel so detached from crises. They’re there to report on them, not interfere. So during Katrina, many of these reporters catalogued days of agony and suffering, and didn’t do anything themselves to help with it.
That’s not a criticism of journalists. They report the story, not make it. The guys like Anderson Cooper, who did get involved, became part of the story, and lost some credibility in the process. But the disconnect between the suffering and the camera has to be hard on the psyche. I think many news companies began to soften their reporters stance on the Katrina rescue efforts, because those news companies realized that some of us may have begun to wonder why they don’t just send in the helicopters that shuffle their stars to and from the disaster sites. Why don’t they get involved?
So, again, the press drops the ball, because it makes them feel uncomfortable. They are part of the establishment in Washington, along with politicians and lobbyists. Katrina was embarrassing to everyone. But Foley was just embarrassing to congressional Republicans, and the press had no problem making an example out of that idiot.
Which only leaves Iraq; the elephant in the room, if you’ll pardon the pun. Why didn’t that affect Bush and the Republicans all along? Now, of course, it’s amazingly easy to criticize Bush for his ineptness regarding Iraq, but, to those people who think that Iraq has only recently become a mess, you’re delusional. Iraq was a mess the moment we invaded. Sure, statues fell and missions were accomplished, but that was all bullshit, and anyone, seriously anyone, with any bit of intelligence knew it. Iraq isn’t Bush’s fault. It’s all our faults. We let this happen.; we’re all complicit. And, so, now that Bush is so weak and ineffectual that he can’t hold a significant majority in the midterm elections, people might say that the reason they voted Democratic is Iraq, but, American Joe, you had your chance to hold that to him in 2004, and you didn’t. Iraq wasn’t a tipping point. Iraq is a nightmare that we’re not half-way through.
But, if Iraq really is the reason that you suddenly can’t stand Republican rule, congratulations. You’ve become an adult again. You should check up on what they tried (and will try again) to do to Social Security. It’s not going bankrupt. Learn the name of Abramoff and be amazed at his long arms through the reach of our government, even though absolutely none of us elected him. I might also suggest taking a look at recent events pertaining to China, North Korea, Iran, and Lebanon to get a nice clear picture of how our crack team of officials, who handled Iraq so wonderfully, also get to play with other nations.
And don’t forget to hold the Democrats responsible for the horrible bankruptcy bill that they helped pass while a minority. They’re going to do idiotic things, too. Don’t suddenly wake up and realize it years after the fact. Hold them responsible *before* they pass their stupid laws and bills that benefit no one, but play nicely on the evening news.
[1]: http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/archives/011701.php
[2]: http://www.tpmcafe.com/blog/coffeehouse/2006/dec/26/event_of_the_two_year_cycle
[3]: http://www.govexec.com/dailyfed/0505/050505kp1.htm

Categories
Rant

Linguistic Hell

On my usual Monday night delivery route, I passed a lit sign in front of a church somewhere out towards the north fork of Long Island. It said, “GOOD WITHOUT GOD IS JUST O,” and for a little bit, I didn’t catch what it was trying to convey. Good is just O? I thought. O? As in *oh no*? As is the *big O*? Good is an orgasm without God? What? I didn’t get it.
But that’s because I’m a typesetter at heart. *O* is not *0*. I never say “oh” in phone numbers when I mean *zero*. *O* is a letter, and *0* is a digit. Any typeface that is not trying to mimic a typewriter is going to have two different [glyphs][1] two represent two different characters. Anyone who finds it acceptable to replace a zero with the letter *O* should also have no problem replacing the number *1* with a lower-case *l*.
“GOLD WITHOUT GOD IS JUST L” doesn’t make any sense. Let’s put that in proper case (all caps is a crime against typography and clarity anyway). “Gold without God is just l,” is still obviously idiotic. But on a typewriter that could mean “… just one.” It sounds more poetic, but has no meaning, which, all cleverness aside, is what I think of the original as well.
Good without God isn’t *nothing*. Good without God is still good. Why do you need an absolute reference point to do good? Why does one need a specific brand of bearded cloud-father (Methodist, I think) to determine good or evil? Ethics exists without the assistance of religion to classify right from wrong.
And, anyway, it was a poor pun, and it depended on the invention of typewriters and cheap signage to make it work.
[1]: http://www.answers.com/topic/glyph#Technology

Categories
Short Subjects

Hole in my head

Once, several years ago, I punched a hole in my head while working on my piece-of-crap car. I don’t remember if it was the car that leaked transmission fluid, or the one that leaked oil from the faulty head gasket, or if it was the one that needed daily transfusions of coolant. In fact, that may have been a single piece-of-crap car. Time, and a good smack to my head, have mushed many memories together.

In any case, while working on this particular car, I punched a hole into my forehead on the latch that hung down about two inches from the roof of the hood. It hurt like hell. For a second, I didn’t even realize what I did. I went to look at something in the engine block, ducking my head under the hood, thinking I had inches of clearance. I mean, I wailed my head into this thing. It dazed me.

I was out in front of my friends house, and I remember staggering in the doorway. His family was gathered around the kitchen table, and they all looked at me as I held my hand to my head and giggled weakly. I laughed as soon as I realized what I did, looking at the hook that gouged me in my car. I couldn’t believe that I hit it; I just didn’t expect there. So I was still laughing when I walked into my friends kitchen, all ashen and dizzy. The hook left a perfect tiny circle in my forehead, right below the hairline, perfectly in the center of my head. The wound lasted for days.

Good times.

I often laugh when I smack my head into something. It’s funny, after all. If someone saw me do it, hearing the clunk of my big fat head cracking into a corner or hanging lamp, he’d laugh, too. Just because I don’t get to observe it doesn’t mean it’s not funny.

A couple of weeks ago, I cracked my head into the top of a doorway, walking down a low set of stairs into somebody’s basement. Actually, I thought I had cleared that, too, but there was a staple halfway stapled into the [lintel][1]. Maybe it was sticking out about 2 millimeters. I thought I just wailed my head into the doorway and that was that, until about 15 minutes later, my friend says, “Your head is bleeding!”

I got a good chuckle out of that one, too, along with a scab that my fiancée thought was a pimple, but instead was another hole in my head.

[1]: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lintel “A horizontal beam above a door that supports the wall above it. Yeah, I had to look that up, too.”