I’ve gotten a couple of weird spam emails in the past couple of weeks. My spam filters are set extraordinarily high, but occasionally a few creep through, like these two below, which had no actually web address to click on. Instead, I was invited to call a phone number that a reverse trace revealed to be somewhere in Washington state. The first was titled Requested Material, which is a sure sign that I never requested the material:
Just a Reminder;
Our University Enrollment department has been trying to contact you. The date for enrolling in our 2 week degree program is ending on Friday, November 25th, 2005.
As of now we can only offer you a BA, BSc, or a MA. If you enroll by the due date then your degree of choice and transcripts can be sent to you within 2 weeks.
Enrollment Office: 1-206-xxx-1674
Riley Lewis BSc Education Administration Office BSc Education, huh? That must be Ivy League. I can get a Bachelors or Masters degree in two weeks? Wow! Sounds easier than Harvard Business School, where any dumb president can earn a solid “C.” The second, titled Re:Education, a lovely pun, was received two weeks later, where I was relieved to learn that they finally broke through the bureaucratic loggerhead that prevented them from offering me a doctorate in only two weeks. But I’m a little concerned about any University that can’t actually spell “university” correctly: Attention:
Based on your present knowledge and past life experiences our University administration office has been trying to contact you. We feel you may qualify for one of our Univsersity(sic) degrees in your area of expertise.
We have been qualifying people based on thier experiences in past and present jobs and are offering qualified degrees with transcripts for those that qualify.
If you call our offices now we can confirm our information and send you either a Bachelors’, Masters’, or Doctorate within 2 weeks.
Administration Office Number: 1-206-xxx-1674
Administration Hours: 24 hours, 7 Days a week, including Sundays and Holidays
University Administration Eric Moore Client Identification: Q6491 This one didn’t even put in the “BSc Education” name, which is probably nonsense anyway, and just settled for the ubiquitous University Administration. So is this a guy in a basement with a laser printer and some fancy paper who prints up degrees on demand? I’m tempted to call up and ask for a degree in Cartoonology or somesuch. Something that would really help me get ahead, you know? And what a difference a dash makes. I originally read “past life experiences” as “past-life experiences” and thought of Scientology, but it was just phrased awkwardly and not actually referring to my previous existence as Charlemagne, which would easily earn me a degree in “Bat-shit Crazy.”