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Short Subjects

This time, we know the threat is vague

Does this make sense?

In my opinion, prospects of a future attack against the United States is almost certain, [Vice President Dick Cheney] said on NBC’s Meet the Press. We don’t know if it’s going to be tomorrow or next week or next year. He added that it was not a matter of if, but when….

A government official said [18 May 02] that the volume and pattern of suspected al Qaeda communications were similar to those of messages intercepted in the months before the September 11 terrorist attacks.

When compared to this?

Cheney rejected criticism that the Bush administration and federal agencies had reports foreshadowing the September 11 attacks but failed to act on them….

There were warnings over a period of months about the possibility of an attack at home, Cheney said, but it was impossible to warn the public effectively without specific information.

Doesn’t the new warning contradict the line that our government didn’t now something was up last time? We know that al Qaeda operatives are gearing up for something by the amount of traffic, similar to the boost before 11 Sep 01. Cheney said that it would have been useless to warn us about vague attacks last year, because You can also sustain an alert for only so long. But that is exactly what these new warnings are, timeless alerts for vague attacks. Useless. And more likely than not, a very weak attempt by our government to deflect the attention from the failure of our intelligence and security agencies towards the fallacious idea that we’re on top of those damned Arabs, this time for sure.
The above quotes were taken from this CNN.com article.

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Short Subjects

Politically Incorrect

I hate to be so paranoid. But when a Bushie gets into office, a year later they cancel the one show that would actually be brave enough to have critics of the regime say uncomfortable things on network television. Apparently, when Bill Maher could target a Clinton presidency, Disney had no problem letting him eviscerate those that deserve it. Maher is intelligent, cynical, and skeptical, all things that we need in a talking head.
I still have hope, since Dennis Miller is still on the air, but, of course, even he was dropped by Disney after the bizarre experiment with him and Monday Night Football. Will Time Warner, owner of HBO, decide that Miller is out of touch with the teeming masses that watch cable? Eventually, yes, but I am hopeful that it won’t be for another three years.
My advice to Bill Maher: Get an Internet soap box. It works well for Michael Moore. Currently, billmaher.com is hijacked by some Jesus-freaks, which is ironic, since Maher himself is pretty much an outspoken atheist. Do they believe that anyone who enjoys Maher’s biting wit will stumble here and hear the Word of God, repent, and deny this world? Good luck. And politicallyincorrect.com has been claimed by a naive domain-name prospector, hoping for some untold millions when Disney desperately begs for the name. Ooops! Sorry chowder-head! The show’s been cancelled, you’ve been wasting your time.
I offer my site to you, Bill. It isn’t much, but it occupies just as much Internet real estate as ABC, Disney, and TryJesus.com. When I finally reopen Lounge, it sure would be nice to have a star of your magnitude on the inside, no offense to Thom. I can’t pay you anything, but you can keep 50% of the profits from the CafePress T-shirts we’ll sell. And I promise never to censor you for saying things that need to be said.

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Short Subjects

How to play guitar

When I asked Rich(e)rich how to play the guitar this was his advice:
first step- pick up the guitar
then get a pick
Play!

And what do you know? It works!

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Short Subjects

Restating the obvious

I’ve just decided to become annoyed with a very common human fallibility. It is, on the grand scale, quite harmless, but I think it proves how stubborn we tend to be in the face of contradictory evidence.
Here is what the condition breaks down to:
Person 1: Is that “A”?
Person 2: No, it is “B.”
Person 1: Oh, ’cause I thought it was “A.”
Person 2: Yep, I can see how you can make that mistake. But, no, it is “B.”
Person 1: Because it looks just like “A.” And when I saw it, I was sure it was “A.”
…and so on.
Now Person 1 is obviously just trying to make a point about how she confused “A” with “B,” but the problem is that Person 2 isn’t arguing the point. He agrees that “A” could easily be confused with “B.” He is just letting Person 1 know that “B” is in fact “B.” That’s it. No scolding or name-calling. No accusations.
And yet, Person 1 desperately needs either to convince Person 2 that “B” should be destroyed /mocked/changed because it looks/sounds/tastes/whatever just like “A,” or she desperately needs to keep talking, since taking in the new information is harder work than rehashing the same concept over and over again. Yes, Person 2 really should say, yes, I understand that you thought “A” was “B.” But it isn’t, so get over it. You don’t need to convince me of your confusion.
So I’ve decided to let this bother me. Be warned. If you ever play the part of Person 1 and I am fallen into the role of Person 2, what I will say is, “I know what you thought!!! But it isn’t! Get over it! You don’t need to convince me that you were confused!” Or is that painfully obvious?

Categories
Essays

The Joy of Life

Good Lord, but life is funny.

And how can I justify an essay that starts with such a trite sentiment? Ah, even clichés begin in truth. And life is a funny… um, funny what? What the heck is this life? Is it just a small bit of time on a lonely watery rock in the middle of nowhere? Too nihilist. How about a test by a lonely watery god to see who deserves his love? Too illogical. Maybe it is a series of event that happen between birth and death? Too literal, but obviously the way most of us lead our lives.

There in lies the inherent irony. The vastness of life on this earth and the lack of it in the greater, much greater universe gives us a sense of importance, isolation, insignificance, and intelligence. Why are we here? Because we’re here. Roll the bones, as Rush tells us. Chance is our friend; chaos is our enemy. What does any of it mean to a guy who needs to feed his family and slaves for meager wages? Go tell it to the Times, he might say. He doesn’t need penny philosophy.

The greatest minds of the human race were all penny philosophers. No matter what they’ve learned, and what they tell us, the vast majority of humans just are. They exist on vague promises of earthly or heavenly riches, rewards that they will never see, but they carry on, because, well, because it sure beats dying. Everything in the Universe exists just as it did billions of years ago, with minor adjustments to matter distribution. We discover how the universe really acts and we hand out Nobel prizes, but the first man to discover that nightshade is poisonous taught his tribe a valuable lesson by dying for science. Our knowledge of anything is simply the discovery of what the Universe is doing on our local level, and it would happen whether or not we wrote about it in a science journal.

And this is funny. Nowhere to go, nothing to learn about, and all of the rest of the world trying to muscle in on the little bits we manage to collect for our families, or ourselves, we carry on. We love. We smile. We laugh. We sing. We give. We praise. We write. We grow.

Richard Feynman was a physicist who worked on the Manhattan Project that developed the first atomic weapon. He also was an avid drummer. He approached drumming much in the same way as a tribal musician approaches percussion. He hit the leather of the drum with his hands in a way that pleased his internal idea of rhythm. He marveled at the vibrations that the drum created. He was probably more interested in the physics involved with percussion than he was in splitting atoms, but he is more noted for the later, of course. But, easily, Feynman is the scientist that I think of when I hear about the childlike qualities of geniuses. It is not a put-down. It is not even about innocence, which anyone spending any amount of time with a child realizes is just not a proper adjective for the whirlwind of mud-caked hands and surreptitious cookie jar raids. What a child has in abundance is joy of discovery. We often mistake this for innocence. But Feynman was partially responsible for the weapon that brings the entire human race to the brink of extinction. There is no innocence there.

But this is the child given the keys to the Universe. A child brings as much emotion to the first time he sticks his finger in his nose and discovers boogers as he does to the first time he sees fireflies in the summer evening. It is all so very amazing. To Richard Feynman, the discovery of how ants communicate with each other about spilled sugar was no less a joy than the quantum equations he worked on that bear his name, the joy of life in all of its abundance sharing just a bit of its hidden vocabulary to willing ears.

Everyone has this, but a lot of people sadly ignore it. A complete journey through the American Public Education System should always include the visit to the cemetery or local haunted house that will creep a kid out for weeks. The child learns that mysteries surround us, and there are always buried layers beneath the surfaces of the ordinary. But the complete journey through life should also include the realization that thumps in the dark are good spooky fun, but the real scary stuff is always right in front of us. Ghosts don’t kill; people do. The sadness of this, due to historical misconceptions that were poorly applied even when society may have justified such barbaric thoughts in whatever era, is compounded by the shear amount of information that should help us all understand each other a lot more than we do.

We are all in the same damned boat. Differences of opinion, method of dress, religion, sexuality, education, and so on mean absolutely nothing. We are all just trying to survive life as comfortably as possible. And there are so many simple joys, why bother trying to take someone else’s away?

I’ll never have an answer to that question. It is the flipside of the original question, what is life? They belong together because they both ask a question about human need, and they both can only be answered using words that won’t mean the same things to different people. And pondering either question is a lot like striking the head repeatedly with a piece of lumber. When you walk away with a headache, you wonder why you started the process in the first place.

Life holds the trump, however. In the reversal of the standard idea that the one bad thing one does will cancel out a dozen good things by that same person in the minds of those affected by the actions, life gives us joy, and the single memory of joy can outshine a lifetime of pure hell. The mind holds on to past joys, obsesses over current joys, and anticipates the joys of the future. With Pavlovian training, we should never play the lottery, enter a doomed relationship, grow attached to pets or people or things that will change or die. But programmed response is only a small part of life.

There is the symphony that cause tears to well up in the strongest man, the pain and euphoria of childbirth, the first awkward and restrained kiss of two future lovers, the satisfaction of sitting down to a Thanksgiving dinner with loved ones. And, hell, you might be the lucky one and hit the $10 million jackpot. Those two kids, sure, maybe they might straighten out and forge a strong, loving, and respectful relationship. And just having that cute, warm, black and white little cat on my lap draws off so much stress and worry. We learn, and we don’t. It’s understandable. We takes our chances in the game of life, and while there is only one result, all the fun is getting there.

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Short Subjects

French Fries Cause Cancer

Ah, as if life weren’t difficult enough, now the simple pleasure of eating fattening, starchy French fries is put to the task. As this article shows, there is a potentially carcinogenic chemical created as starchy food gets cooked at high heat. Luckily, what the article doesn’t mention is that the anti-carcinogenic qualities of tomatoes are increased as they are cooked and processed. So always eat ketchup with your fries. Nature provides.

Categories
Essays

Holy Shit

It is wonderful to know that not only does my personal philosophy doom me to eternal damnation, but so does my computer. In this extraordinarily amusing article (Note: the original page is down as of 27 Apr 02. This link is a Text only copy I made, violating the spirit, if not the meat, of several copyright laws.), the good Dr. Richard Paley discovers the connection between Apple Computers and the satanic belief in Evolution. That link, of course, is Darwin.

Darwin, as most know the word, is the name of the scientist behind all our modern troubles thanks to the godless, secular education system that teaches our children about the satanic belief in Evolution. Darwin is also the core operating system in Mac OS X. Now Apple didn’t actually name that operating system Darwin, since its name is derived from the fact that it evolved off an older system called BSD, but that is something that Dr. Paley easily glosses over. Darwin, the operating system, is open-source, meaning that many programmers add to the development of the system, and that everyone can use these developments in their own ways, since no one actually owns it. Open-source, according to Dr. Paley, “is just another name for Communism.”

Communism. Satanic Communism. Right.

And Apple Computer is obviously tempting us to follow the path to destruction. The damned logo is a bitten apple, of which Dr. Paley knowingly winks to us, “Most Bible scholars think that it was more likely a fig…, but popular culture holds that it was an apple and it is this popular culture that the forces of Satan are trying to sway.” Dare I tell the good doctor that up to a couple of years ago the Apple logo was the colors of the rainbow, which are the same colors on the banners of godless homosexuals? He missed that one, but not the “secret code” to change permissions on files in order to read and write to them, where one opens up the Terminal application and types “chmod 666.”

Nevermind, please, that this is a Unix command that is 25 years old, and represents the permission for owner, group, and everyone to read and write to the file. Very few times would anyone ever have to do this, preferring to set permissions to 655, which would only give the owner of the file the permission to change it. Still, allowing anyone access to change a file is also Communism, so I guess his point is still valid.

Now it is easy to make the leap of logic, since Apple is by nature “anti-Christian and cultish…, is it any wonder that they have decided to base their newest operating system on Darwinism? This just reaffirms the position that Darwinism is… spread through propaganda and subliminal trickery, not a science as its brainwashed followers would have us believe.”

Oh, Jesus. I’m brainwashed because I agree with a testable theory of science? I should have known. Come to think of it, I did have some doubts about Evolution back in high school until I started working for the school newspaper. That was when I first started following the dark path of desktop publishing on the Macintosh.

OS X, like every Unix system before uses processes called daemons, “ which is how Pagans write ‘demon,’ in case you were wondering. If I ever thought that Unix geeks were just too clever for themselves by putting inside-jokes and puns within their programs, I have just been fooling myself. The creators of Unix were Pagans and Idolaters. The heathens behind Darwin, the operating system, even came up with a little pagan logo “no doubt to influence children…. They’re not doing a very good job keeping their ties to the forces of darkness a secret, are they?”

Finally, the good doctor tells us, “The first personal computer sold by Apple was priced by Steve Jobs and his hippy friend Steve Wozniak at $666. Need we say more?” His clever use of the royal pronoun highlights the moral high ground that he and his fellow Christians can take. The actual price of the first Apple was $666.66, which has a couple of too many decimal places to fit in with the numerological equivalent of Emperor Nero’s name, but we can clearly see that this number was chosen for nefarious reasons.

I am so terribly lucky that Dr. Paley showed me the deep and diabolical link between Darwin and Darwin. Without him I might still believe that Darwin’s Theory of Evolution was sound science, and that any reference to him, which I previously took as appealing to the logical and scientific amongst us, actually leads to hell, or at least to my damned computer.

Update 05 May 02: Many folks are claiming that the essay that my response was based on was a hoax. It may be less than serious, and there is no doubt that Dr. Richard Paley was a figment of the actual authors imagination, but the arguments presented ring true. I’ve heard these arguments about evolution (but not Apple embracing the dark side!) when I was living in Florida. And I believe the author was not poking fun at Christianity as many have opined. The original pages have been taken down, and I do not know if the truth will ever be revealed because no one has come forward to admit writing them. I maintain the complete text of the article on my site, rather than the original web link, and I invite you to judge the veracity, not of the argument, but of the belief that lay behind it.

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Short Subjects

An ounce of lead is worth a pound of cure

The War on Drug claims another innocent victim. According to this article, from Newsday, (Click to read in new window. Warning: pop-up ads.), a 20 year-old man was killed, by accident, during a raid that recovered “eight ounces to a pound” of marijuana. The accident occurred when one elite police officer tripped over a tree root into another officer holding a semi-automatic pointed towards the victim.

The article continues with the police claiming that the victim did not lay down on the ground with arms outstretched, as police instructed. Can we safely assume that the officer would still be pointing his gun at the victim even after he was on the ground? If so, then the feeble attempts to spin this as the victim’s fault are not only groundless, but they are purposefully misleading. No weapons or drugs were found on the victim afterwards. He was merely an casualty of unfortunate circumstance.

Eight ounces to one pound of pot. Eight elite Emergency Service officers. One clumsy accident. One innocent victim.

Lest anyone think that I am bashing the cops, I am not. I do not blame the police, in this particular case. It is the insanely dangerous and stupid laws that are in place that create these types of all too typical situations. Now I can no longer claim in good faith that pot never killed anybody. When lawmakers assume we are all criminals, then anyone can pay the ultimate price for so-called justice.

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Short Subjects

Red Skies and Flawed Logic

There is a kind of mysterious fun to not be up on current events whilst being in the midst of them. I imagine that many people go through life not really aware of the events around them, and yesterday, I was one of those people. Towards the afternoon, the distinct odor of burning wood wafted into the building where I was working. It was strong enough to warrant a check on my part around the grounds of the building, but ubiquitous enough not to give me an idea on the general direction of the source. So after a few minutes, I determined that wherever and whatever the source of the burning was, it didn’t put anything in my vicinity in danger.

I left work at about 8:30 in the evening. I’ve been quite tired, because, as previously noted in this blog, I’m totally off in my sleeping patterns, so the hazy, blurry red moon I attributed to my tired eyes, rather than a natural phenomenon. The thick layer of particulates on my car, I attributed to pollen that must be coming from the blossoming tree that I parked under. It was so thick that I couldn’t see out my windshield without washing it first.

Yeah, sometimes I’m not too quick.

Finally, I was driving home and a major road way was blocked off. Still nothing is coming together in my head, and I curse my bad luck as I make an alternate route to Erick and Michele’s house. When I get there, I ask them to turn on the local traffic station to see what the trouble was on the parkway. Turns out that brush fires were so bad in the area that there was no visibility on the Sunken Meadow, and it had been closed for much of the day. Brush fires?

Hmm…, I thought to myself, that would explain the lingering smell, the red sky, and the thick layer of non-pollinated soot on my car. Combine that with all the snippets of stories I’ve heard about the brush fires we’ve had on the island, because of the dry conditions and sudden heat wave, and my steel-trap mind puts it all together.

Still and all, while always being in areas that would suffer from the occasional major fire, I’ve never actually been within five miles of a hot zone. These were always things that happened on the East End, while living on the island, or things that happened on the West Coast, when living in Florida. My prejudice was in assuming that it the brush fires must have been further away, surely not in my suburbia. It did make for a eerily beautiful sky, and despite it’s power to obfuscate, it helped clear my mind.

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Short Subjects

In case you were wondering

I’ve discovered a couple of things these past few days: OS X is a pretty decent operating system; my optical mouse works just fine on a bed; sleep doesn’t come easily to drifters; and cats make very nice company, despite all the hair in that ends up in my keyboard.