Author: MacPhoenix

Categories
Short Subjects

Palms down

I was going to go on a tear about **International Delight** coffee creamers, because they have palm oil in them. Comparing this to **Nestlés Coffee-Mate** creamers, which have soybean and cottonseed oil, I thought it was clear which one to buy. Of course, non-dairy creamers are bad shit to begin with, but if you’re going to use them anyway, you might as well use the one that will kill you the slowest. So the one with palm oil was surely the worst of the worst.
Because I know how bad palm oil is. Doesn’t everybody?
Hmmm… let me [check up][1] on that before I post how bad it is. Huh. It’s not that bad. In fact, it’s [better][2] than [partially hydrogenated cottonseed oil][3], because all partially hydrogenated oils have [trans fats][4]. Those are the things that make butter healthier than margarine. Can you imagine that? Butter better for you than anything else?
So, palm oil, because it is so high in saturated fats (sounds bad) doesn’t need to be hydrogenated (really bad) to stay oily in food products. And palm oil, if it isn’t handled too much, may decrease cholesterol (get outta here!) and is rich in anti-oxidents. Damn.
Now, palm *kernel* oil… [that’s still bad][5].
[1]: http://www.wholefoods.com/healthinfo/palmoil.html
[2]: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Palm_kernel_oil#Health
[3]: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cottonseed_oil
[4]: http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=mg18424721.900
[5]: http://www.drweil.com/u/QA/QA118473/

Categories
Essays

V for Vendetta Review

Phew! [Russell’s Law of 50% Returns on Comic Adaptations][1] holds true. Bad news for *X-Men III* perhaps, but *V for Vendetta* was fantastic. I enjoyed it while watching it, and I left the movie theater excited, eager to talk about the differences between the comic and the movie, which, except for two minor cases*, actually didn’t affect my enjoyment of the movie in the least. The movie stands alone as a good movie. After a couple of days, I actually want to see the movie again, something that I can’t remember feeling about a movie in years.
But, of course, I was *eagerly* awaiting *V for Vendetta*.
And, there, that’s my review of it. 3.5 stars. Best adaptation of a comic I’ve ever seen. Go see it. Seriously.
That isn’t all I have to say about reviews of the movie, however. I’ve been puzzled by much of the Big Media handling of *V*. A quick look at the [Rotten Tomatoes][2] listing of reviews for *V* indicate that it is getting a solid majority of positive reviews (76% as of this writing), but what strikes me odd is the group of reviewers that pan the movie. *Variety*, the *New York Times*, the *New Yorker*, and *Newsweek* seem to be forgetting that *V* is a work of fiction, and not a call to destroy public property. These same reviewers don’t seem to have a problem with the thousands of forms of violence and depravity that any movie brightly highlights, but because V, the character, is a terrorist, a protagonist (one of three, it must be noted), and manages to blow up a couple of buildings (both implicitly empty), these reviewers cannot distinguish from their repulsion of real world events and film fiction. Odd.
And V isn’t a hero. He isn’t a rallying force. He is the face of chaotic, violent opposition that must be discarded once the power structure has shifted. The movie shows this in no uncertain terms. If you’ve seen the movie and don’t know what I mean, you should have stayed until the credits. V completes his vendetta, and the sea of Londoners *remove their masks*. One complex question the movie asks is “When is violence justified?” But many reviewers were so angry at pokes to the Bush administration they felt, incorrectly, that the movie asked, “Is violence against the Bush administration justified?”
I came across a uniquely skewed review, not from a Big Media name, but from a [regular joe][3] who submitted his review to Rotten Tomatoes. He claims *V for Vendetta* is trying to divide people and is anti-Christian. As he writes:
>Vendetta takes modern day problems, issues and even events and twists them into a comic book political satire meant to reaffirm to those on the ‘Left’ side of thinking that the ‘Right’ is out to rule the world and crush anyone who doesn’t agree with them. ‘Christian’ believing people are made out to be closed minded intolerant Nazi style jerks that want to dispose of all Homosexuals and Religious leaders are only shown as hypocritical perverted sex offenders who hide behind their faith. I will simply say that if you believe this message… you have no idea what true Christianity is all about.
I am not sure he saw the same movie as I did. Or actually lives on the same Earth as I do. Well, let me be more generous. This man obviously looks at the world through a lens of persecution. Instead of thinking that the movie portrays Fascists as using the trapping of religion to disguise their true morality, he believes that the movie portrays Christians using Fascism to hide their perversions. He really obviously believes that the movie is anti-Christian, when it couldn’t be plainer that it is anti-Fascist. I mean, honestly, who’d support Fascism?
>’V for Vendetta’ is an offensive, intolerant, irresponsible ugly film that fuels the fire of ignorance in today’s politically hostile world.
*V* may be offensive, but that’s up the viewer. It is, without a doubt, intolerant of Fascism and the persecution of minorities. I don’t think it’s “irresponsible ugly” though.
For a brilliant review (with spoilers), check out [the Trickster][4]:
>V espouses no political program; he merely destroys. In truth he’s an anarchist, the v-in-a-circle logo conspicuously echoing the anarchist’s “A” tag that was showing up in spray paint across Europe in the days when the comic first appeared.
>
>Is V a good guy or a bad guy? It’s never clear in the comic–even though it is always clear that the totalitarian government is bad. If the moral balance is more obvious in the movie one suspects that is only because of the zeitgeist — in the current political climate you’re either for civil liberties and the rule of law or for unchecked government power and the legislating of morality. Neocon manichianism has pushed everybody to the wall.
We differ in opinion about the source material. The original comic is unmatched for me, and I believe the comic pulled together the disparate threads of a dozen sub-plots in a conclusion that gives me goose-bumps whenever I think of it; although, Evey is a much stronger, more believable character in the movie than in the comic. I’m saddened that Warner Bros. got cold feet last November and pushed the opening back to March, and I’m annoyed at the anemic marketing for the movie, as well as Alan Moore’s inexplicable request to remove his name from the project, but a good movie was made, one that I eagerly await to watch again.
\* V does not *fall in love with Evey!* And governments can be evil without unleashing plagues. I thought that was kind of a cheap short-cut into forcing the audience to really, really hate Norsefire/Sutler. (And Sutler will always be Susan to me!)
[1]: http://www.macphoenix.com/creative/blog/archives/2005/07/lately_movies_a.html
[2]: http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/v_for_vendetta/
[3]: http://www.rottentomatoes.com/vine/journal_view.php?journalid=274191&entryid=304773&view=public
[4]: http://chervokas.typepad.com/trickster/2006/03/v_for_vendetta_.html

Categories
Short Subjects

ITMFA

[Impeach the MFer, Already][1]. Sounds like a good plan to me.
[1]: http://impeachthemotherfuckeralready.com/

Categories
Short Subjects

Best Spam Ever

Verbatim:
>**Subject: Former President Bill Klinton uses Voagra!**
>
>Everybody knows the great sexual scandal known as “Klinton-Levinsky”. After the relations like this Klintons popularity raised a lot! It is a natural phenomenon, because Bill as a real man in order not to
shame himself when he was with Monica regularly used Voagra. What happened you see. His political figure became more bright and more attractive.
>It is very important for a man to be respected as a man!

Categories
Short Subjects Sneaks and Scammers

Monster Target

I posted a resume on Monster.com about a year ago and never got any job offers. I’m not surprised or bitter about this. It’s just a statement of facts. My resume reflects my general knowledge of all aspects of graphic design, and, as such, is targeted towards nothing in particular.

But a couple of weeks ago, I got a call from Primerica. Lo and behold, someone there got my resume from Monster.com and I was a perfect match for their company! That was amazing to me because my sales experience can be summed up by the four months I worked in Sears selling hammers. But the message was funny, because the nice, well-spoken, eager young lad on the phone never once said how I’d be a perfect fit for Primerica. Did they need a new ad campaign or something? Were they entering the printing market and needed a decent paste-up artist?

I knew of Primerica long before this phone call. Before Citigroup purchased them, and gave them a needed veneer of legitimacy, the Primerica guys would come to Kinko’s to get their business cards printed, and they would chat up all of us in the Computer Services department. Just like the Amway guys. And much like the Amway guys, they’d ask us if we’d like to make x-amount of dollars per year, but the Primerica guys always made that figure 10 times greater than the Amway folks.

And the Primerica guys were always slicker, with their suits and nicely shined shoes. And they were always in that 25 to 35 year-old range. And they were always male.

But, unlike the Amway folks who pretended to sell products, the Primerica guys were terrifically vague with what Primerica actually sold. Oh, sure, Primerica was the fast way to financial independence. It was for go-getters like me (and the rest of the wage-slaves working at Kinko’s). It’s based on proven business techniques. Sure it was hard work, but the rewards were multitudinous. It was certainly not illegal or a scam. …oh, multi-level marketers. When will you ever learn?

Anyway, these well-pressed clones all sang the same song, and on my voice-mail the other week, I heard that familiar tune. But this one bothered me a bit more than the slick-suits who were so hard up for contacts that they bothered the slackers working in a copy shop. I mean, this guy was pretending to offer me a job. All he really wanted was for me to return his phone call, so he could sell me on Primerica. Did I mention that Primerica was a subsidiary of the Citigroup? Because he did. Twice.

On that same level of cheese, I get this email today with the subject, "Your Resume" (emphasis mine):

Your resume reflects the type of experience needed to be successful at American Income Life Insurance Company. That’s why I was excited when I received your resume but was disappointed when you did not reply to my e-mail. We currently have an immediate opening in your area and I believe you are the perfect candidate for this position.

Our unique marketing niche enables us to supply our sales force with leads of union members who have indicated an interest in reviewing our products. With American Income, there is virtually no prospecting for leads.

Many new representatives are shocked by how quickly their earnings escalate. Selling insurance is not hard. There are no education degrees necessary, only minimal licensing requirements. You don’t need prior sales experience, just a desire to succeed. In fact, we offer an in-field training program, flexible hours and full support.

Your earning potential is unlimited. Many new representatives earn from $60,000 to $90,000 or more their first year. There’s no more depending on someone else for a raise. You are in control of increasing your earnings.

Please CLICK HERE [link removed] to learn more about this important opportunity. We are eager to speak with you as soon as possible.

Sincerely,

Roger Smith

President And Chief Executive Officer

American Income Life Insurance Company

1200 Wooded Acres Drive

Waco, TX 76710

P.S. You received this E-mail because you responded to our ad or placed your resume on one of the internet job boards. To unsubscribe from future E-mails follow the link below.

We would like to keep you updated on exciting job opportunities at American Income; we will continue to alert you when we have openings at our local offices.

Click here [link removed] to unsubscribe from further communication regarding job opportunities at American Income.

Please allow two to three business days for the removal process of your E-mail address to be complete.

American Income Life Insurance Company

1200 Wooded Acres

Waco TX 76710

This message contains information which is privileged and confidential and is solely for the use of the intended recipient. If you are not the intended recipient, be aware that any review, disclosure, copying, distribution, or use of the contents of this message is strictly prohibited. If you have received this in error, please destroy it immediately and notify us at PrivacyAct@torchmarkcorp.com.

A couple things to note: My name is nowhere on this email, and it has nothing to do with the jobs that I’m interested in–they just harvested the email address I left on Monster.com. But Roger tells me that he was excited to receive my resume, and so was upset when I didn’t email him back, an amusingly blatant lie. Why would I trust a company like this when they can’t even be honest with why they’re contacting me? This supposed insurance company is an MLM, too, because they want to sell me the privilege of selling the company to others. The no-repost notice at the end is a fine bit of irony, too.

I also find it humorous that they tell me that I received their email either because I spoke to them in the past or posted my resume on a job board, a job board where I specified not to be contacted by third-parties, I might add. I don’t blame Monster for this, but it does serve as a lesson to job searchers out there. There are sharks searching for you, too.

Categories
Rant

Two-bit ballet

With the Bush Administration, I am reminded of a cartoon of an anthropomorphized animal, dancing around in a tutu, on a stage that is in tatters from the stage lights and curtain weights that have fallen from above, each leaving a splintered crater in its wake. The cartoon character is blissfully unaware of each hurtling object, and manages to dance away from the spot just before the next sandbag would have made him into a pancake. There is some [Carl Starling][1] music playing, no doubt, and the feet of the character’s leotards are comically ill-fitting.
And while it is my very nature to laugh inappropriately, to guffaw loudly at the blackest comedy, I can only smirk inwardly at the dancing idiot in this cartoon, because he’s ruining a perfectly fine country. Let’s call him [Commander Codpiece][3].
Each falling object is labeled with some crisis that the Bushies couldn’t handle: The Economy. The Chinese spy plane. 9/11. The failure to capture Osama. North Korean nukes. The lies and hyperbole leading up the Iraq war. The Iraq war. Katrina. The Abramoff money-laundering lobbyist scandal. The NSA spying without warrants. Iran.
Everyone is aware of these things, but there are too many people who are just [entertained by the silly dancing][2]. Some people assume because he’s on stage, he must be respected. I just see an idiot dancing to funny music. Some assume Commander Codpiece shows skill by avoiding the falling debris. Whereas I see a very lucky cartoon character who has a [sympathetic director][4]. And I’ll be very happy when the little pig comes out, stuttering, “That’s all folks!”
**Update:** Oh, Medicaid. They couldn’t handle that one, either. And Energy and Environmental initiatives. And Harriet Myers. And pretzels.
[1]: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carl_Stalling “Or Raymond Scott music, depending on your level of geekitude.”
[2]: http://atrios.blogspot.com/2006_01_22_atrios_archive.html#113805609193310561
[3]: http://www.theworriedshrimp.com/DeficitDubya32.html
[4]: http://www.danzigercartoons.com/cmp/2005/danziger2462.html

Categories
Silliness

A lovely joke

The [best blonde joke][1] ever. A worthy sequel to the [last time I had jokes][2] on my blog.
[1]: http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2006/01/12/how-far-would-you-go-for-a-laugh/
[2]: http://www.macphoenix.com/creative/blog/archives/2004/01/enough_comedy_j.html

Categories
Rant

Little bit of perspective

On the teaser for WCBS local 11 o’clock news, Jim Rosenfield says, “Jews around the world are praying for Ariel Sharon.”
Without trying to notice the irony of a man named Rosenfield saying this, I had to wonder if Vladimir Putin were gravely ill, if the news would tell me that “Russian Orthodox Catholics around the world are praying,” for him. Or when Queen Elizabeth’s health fades, “Episcopals (or Anglicans, take your pick) around the world…,” etc.
Stupid, stupid, stupid. I’ve seen dozens of photos of Orthodox Jews praying at the [Wailing Wall][1], all apparently doing so because Sharon is in the hospital, but I can’t help but question when that stock footage was taken, and how often those same men are at the Wall, no matter who is sick. Should he die, the government of Israel will survive. Arial Sharon is an elected leader. He is not a religious leader.
It worries me that the stupid media can’t understand the difference anymore.
[1]: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Western_Wall

Categories
Rant

Too much G

In 1992, I voted for Bill Clinton. Shortly after that, I was disappointed by almost everything that he did. At the time, I confused *Democratic* for *Liberal*, and Bill was such a good centrist. He moved the entire Democratic Party towards the muddled center. I switched parties, and voted down the Liberal line every election until they took my party away. (New York State no longer has a Liberal Party on the ballot.) So, I voted for Nader in 1996–and for “Grandpa” Al Lewis for Governor–and erroneously did the same in 2000. Well, I didn’t vote for Grandpa again, since he wasn’t on the ballot.
Anyway, what Bill did to really annoy me was throw his weight behind an FBI initiative called the “Clipper chip.” This was supposed to allow the FBI to eavesdrop on any cell phone communication with minimal hassle. We were assured that they would only do so after receiving a court order. The reason for this chip was to make it easy to break the encryption on cell phone transmissions, because even if the Feds could easily get the court order, it didn’t mean that they could understand what they were listening to.
But this was a bad idea on several levels. The first was the method of the “key,” by which the Fed would be able to tap the phone. The key was a long series of bits that would open up the phone’s encryption, but the government wasn’t about to tell anyone how long (it turned out to be 80-bits), which is important, because shorter bit-lengths are easier to crack. In other words, no one knew how secure a phone conversation would be, because some high-school kid could have broken into your Clipper chip. Or perhaps a business rival. Or a foreign agent.
Another problem, which proved to be the death knell for the ol’ Clipper chip, was that it would be required by law on every phone sold in *America* (or made by American companies), where the law was applicable. Of course, criminals and nefarious types could just get their phone in some other country, where the cell phones wouldn’t be hobbled by the chip, thus defeating the very “purpose” of the chip.
It was bad policy, and was abandoned in 1996, but the damage, in my mind at least, to the Clinton legacy was forever soldiered onto the circuit board of history. Or something. Bill Clinton was [bad for personal privacy][1]. And you know what? Privacy wonks called him on it.
Clinton dismantled Welfare. And Welfare advocates called him on it.
Clinton supported NAFTA (a policy signed into law under Bush Sr). And labor unions called him on it.
*Don’t Ask; Don’t Tell*? Astoundingly bad policy. No Liberal would ever support that.
Michael Moore called Bill Clinton the greatest Republican president we’ve ever had. And Moore was right.
So, it confuses me that so-called Conservatives have such a tough time calling Bush Jr on his cavalier disregard for Conservative principles. He’s as conservative as Clinton was liberal. What’s more, where one could make a good case that Clinton tacked to the right (to his success, I admit), economically and socially, Bush, rather than tacking towards the left or the right, is actually sinking the sailboat all together. Bush is totally off the charts on principles, ethics, and morals. But so few Republicans, Conservatives, or, damn them, Democrats dare to speak up. It’s inconceivable!
But maybe I’m not using that word right.
Then we have Drudge. The man who tried to take down the Clinton Administration, does his best to prop up the decaying hulk of the Dubya Junta, by, of course, [blaming Clinton][2]. Doesn’t hurt to keep your eyes shut that tightly? Can you breathe with your head buried so deeply? Wake up! Wake up! There is more danger to our nation wrapped in our flag than the pathetic plans of men who dream of martyrdom.
[1]: http://www.eff.org/Privacy/Surveillance/Terrorism/960424_aclu_terror_bill.announce
[2]: http://thinkprogress.org/2005/12/20/drudge-fact-check/

Categories
Rant

Kingly

In this time of the brutal War on Christmas, it takes a strong leader to remind us what is really important, which is the continual War on Reason. No matter how far into ignorance and blindness we must go, King George will lead us there, appointed by God, anointed by Jesus, and filled with the Holy Spirit.
King George. We are so lucky to have him. Any lesser man would be troubled by [breaking the law][1] [over][2] and [over][3] and [over][4] again. But unto the King, no laws need stand, for he is Law, and he is Justice, and he is merciful to his subjects, even when they [disagree with him][4a]. And King George knows he must break the law to protect us, because otherwise we might vote for the opposition party, and they do not have the balls to do what is right in the face of imminent danger, oh yes one-day-in-the-nebulous-future-imminent danger.
King George. Appointed by God’s Heavenly Agents on Earth. Anointed by [the press][5]. Filled with Holy Spirit as only a dry drunk can be. Why were we the lucky ones? What if King George had been born unto the [heathen oil-drillers][6]? What if King George had had but one successful business venture instead of [several failed ones][7] before entering politics? What if King George had [concentrated][8] his whole life to ethics, sociology, history, politics, or economics? Would he still be our King?
Thankfully, these need no answer, because he his our [King][9]. And may God have mercy on us all.
[1]: http://abcnews.go.com/WNT/story?id=1422504
[2]: http://villagevoice.com/news/0551,hentoff,71124,6.html
[3]: http://www.counterpunch.org/leopold12172005.html
[4]: http://www.tompaine.com/articles/20051011/a_snake_oil_president.php
[4a]: http://www.prospect.org/weblog/archives/2005/12/index.html#008676
[5]: http://mediamatters.org/items/200512190005
[6]: http://www.informationclearinghouse.info/article3308.htm
[7]: http://alaric3rh.home.sprynet.com/science/bceo.html
[8]: http://www.thetruthaboutgeorge.com/bushisms/index.html#think
[9]: http://tbogg.blogspot.com/2005/12/prince-whose-character-is-thus-marked.html