Author: MacPhoenix

0) Life is like a hot cup of java…

Post author By MacPhoenix
Post date 16 July 2002

Introduction: Way back when, in high school to be precise, my friends and I used to while away the time by writing silly things to each other and passing them back and forth. I’ve noticed that my blog, while mostly created by me, is also a great forum for writing silly things to your friends and hoping you won’t get caught in the process.
And it got me thinking about the actual content of what I used to write in those illicit notes. My fondest was the nonsensical phrases I used to write that began with, “Life is like a hot cup of java…”
I started off rationally, with “Life is like a hot cup of java, it is a lot less bitter when you sweeten it.” Trite sentiment, no doubt, but it was to progress into much sillier territory by year’s end, surreal and subversive. Something like this: “Life is like a cup of java, spill it on your crotch and you’ll cry like a little baby.”
Now, if I may show how forward-thinking I was, this was before the McDonald’s lawsuit, before Starbucks was as ubiquitous as 7-11, and before Java was a language. Occasionally, I’d write, “Life is like a hot cup of joe…,” but this led to more confusion than was necessary, so I’m going to stick with java. As I think of them, I’m going to add them here in my blog. You may not find them the least funny or thought provoking, but that’s okay, since I think you dress funny.
“Life is like a hot cup of java, dark and sweet, like my men.”

Essays

Creative Pressures

Post author By MacPhoenix
Post date 11 July 2002

It took nearly 4 months for an unofficial response to Fickled Pink by my former manager, Suzanne. I believe that the more popular search engines are now listing my site in reference to the company name, “Pinkhaus.”
Initially, as I wrote the essay, I wondered how coy I should be in presenting the parties named. I was going to change the names to protect the innocent, but then I concluded that no innocent parties were involved. This was my story about my life, written with my voice.
Should I have included a disclaimer stating that the essay was written with bias and makes me look better and the others tarnished from the bright light that is the whole truth? Duh. This is my blog. Let them tell their side of the story on their site. It should be readily apparent by any and all onlookers to my site, and that particular essay, that I am quite the slacker. I could have tried harder to keep my job. In fact, it was financially foolish not to try. I am a stubborn, pigheaded person. I believe this is readily apparent in my writing.
So was I surprised by the response that Suzanne sent to me, one weekend, out of the blue? Well, yes and no. Yes, but only because of the timing of it? Why not weeks before or a year later? What made her read that particular piece then? As noted, I assume it was because she did a keyword search, and was surprised to find my web address. Why do a keyword search for her own company? Because they have just undertaken a restructuring of their website. The beginning of that restructuring was noted in

Essays

Mass-produced Signs of Free Thinking

Post author By MacPhoenix
Post date 10 July 2002
2 Comments on Mass-produced Signs of Free Thinking

I’m getting my car inspected at the local Pep-Boys, so I go into the retail section and look for some sort of clever sticker that I can apply to my LeBarge. Currently, the only ornamentation of any kind is an AARP sticker warning the young hoodlums not to steal my car.
Patriotism is the theme of the current bunch of stickers. This doesn’t surprise me, but I gotta be different, so no flags, no “America will kick yer Arab-ass,” no “God Bless our Godblessed Ameri-God-ca” for me. I admit the Eurostyle sticker with black “USA” type surrounded by a white oval did intrigue me, but these, too, are very over used these days, with 1 of every 3 cars around here displaying the Vermont “VT” version of these things. Oh, yeah, guys, it is so amazing that you drove 4 hours into a bordering state to go skiing. I’m so impressed.
Anyway, the other stickers are all Harley-Davidson, mag-wheel, super-car type things, and I’m just not into that, despite having pure American V8 power under my hood. Shit, I’d lose all those sucka, suped-up tiny Jap cars in no time, but, check it, I ain’t about that.
If they had a Welsh-flag sticker, I’d put that on my car. My old VW had one. I’m moderately proud of my WASPish geneology, plus the Welsh flag has a really cool red griffin on it. It gives me some street cred to, since everyone knows that the Welsh were trodden upon by the English, but there was no Welsh flag.
Surprisingly, nothing with the Yankees, either. The Yankees are my biggest chink in my dare-to-be-different armor. Boy, it sure is difficult to be a fan of one of the most successful baseball teams of all times. But part of my blood is pin-striped blue, so I don’t fight it. Yankees rule, but not at Pep-Boys.
So Pep-Boys fails me, an iconoclast looking for some sort of mass-produced item to represent my uniqueness. Damn them. What will I ever put on my car to share with the world how clever and different I am? Oh, wait, I know I’ve got one of those Apple Computer stickers around here. That’ll do.

Short Subjects

LeBarge

Post author By MacPhoenix
Post date 9 July 2002
1 Comment on LeBarge

I am now the proud owner of a simply huge 1984 Buick LeSabre, which, with the inspiration from my friend, Erick, I have christened LeBarge. The car, a gift from my grandmother, costs over $1600 for me to insure per year with nothing but the basic coverage for New York State. My license is clean and my driving record is almost so, but none of that information matters, since I was given this rate before my records were looked up. This is the basic going rate for a new customer.
My Volkswagon, which I still owe someone money for, was junked after the right front axle fell off. Right into the road. This caused no injury or property damage, so I was pretty damned lucky there, and the new LeBarge, as noted, was a gift, so all in all I made out on the change. And now, 38 people can ride with me in American-style comfort, in my 4-gallons-to-the-mile Buick.
And, ha! my trunk is bigger than your pitiful SUV.
I’m thinking of painting LeBarge metallic-purple or orange. Then maybe I’ll get a large feathered hat to wear while driving. Those bouncy suspension-thingies that I see on all those urban music videos are also on the list. You can’t stop me. Issa free country, innit?

Silliness

Is this thing on?

A quick discovery: Vanilla Coke sucks.

Short Subjects

Another Temporary Delay

Post author By MacPhoenix
Post date 1 June 2002

A couple of months ago, I found myself unable to keep up with my site, and warned everyone that they probably wouldn’t hear from me, via email, for a couple of weeks, but Jenn & Brian were able to keep me on the ’Net for most of April and May. Now, however, I’m modemless again, and will probably only be able to read and respond to email (and update my site) once a week. If yer emailing me, wondering why I’m not responding, this is the reason. I’ll be back online soon. Promise.

Short Subjects

A token of thanks

Post author By MacPhoenix
Post date 24 May 2002

Lord, I was born a rambling man. And to that end, today is my last day over Brian & Jennifer’s house. With little or no benefit for themselves, they took me in and helped me out when I needed it the most. My sincerest thanks and appreciation goes out to them for taking in strays, and, since they’re getting married next week, I wish them all the luck and love that they can use.

Short Subjects

This time, we know the threat is vague

Post author By MacPhoenix
Post date 20 May 2002

Does this make sense?

In my opinion, prospects of a future attack against the United States is almost certain, [Vice President Dick Cheney] said on NBC’s Meet the Press. We don’t know if it’s going to be tomorrow or next week or next year. He added that it was not a matter of if, but when….

A government official said [18 May 02] that the volume and pattern of suspected al Qaeda communications were similar to those of messages intercepted in the months before the September 11 terrorist attacks.

When compared to this?

Cheney rejected criticism that the Bush administration and federal agencies had reports foreshadowing the September 11 attacks but failed to act on them….

There were warnings over a period of months about the possibility of an attack at home, Cheney said, but it was impossible to warn the public effectively without specific information.

Doesn’t the new warning contradict the line that our government didn’t now something was up last time? We know that al Qaeda operatives are gearing up for something by the amount of traffic, similar to the boost before 11 Sep 01. Cheney said that it would have been useless to warn us about vague attacks last year, because You can also sustain an alert for only so long. But that is exactly what these new warnings are, timeless alerts for vague attacks. Useless. And more likely than not, a very weak attempt by our government to deflect the attention from the failure of our intelligence and security agencies towards the fallacious idea that we’re on top of those damned Arabs, this time for sure.
The above quotes were taken from this CNN.com article.

Short Subjects

Politically Incorrect

I hate to be so paranoid. But when a Bushie gets into office, a year later they cancel the one show that would actually be brave enough to have critics of the regime say uncomfortable things on network television. Apparently, when Bill Maher could target a Clinton presidency, Disney had no problem letting him eviscerate those that deserve it. Maher is intelligent, cynical, and skeptical, all things that we need in a talking head.
I still have hope, since Dennis Miller is still on the air, but, of course, even he was dropped by Disney after the bizarre experiment with him and Monday Night Football. Will Time Warner, owner of HBO, decide that Miller is out of touch with the teeming masses that watch cable? Eventually, yes, but I am hopeful that it won’t be for another three years.
My advice to Bill Maher: Get an Internet soap box. It works well for Michael Moore. Currently, billmaher.com is hijacked by some Jesus-freaks, which is ironic, since Maher himself is pretty much an outspoken atheist. Do they believe that anyone who enjoys Maher’s biting wit will stumble here and hear the Word of God, repent, and deny this world? Good luck. And politicallyincorrect.com has been claimed by a naive domain-name prospector, hoping for some untold millions when Disney desperately begs for the name. Ooops! Sorry chowder-head! The show’s been cancelled, you’ve been wasting your time.
I offer my site to you, Bill. It isn’t much, but it occupies just as much Internet real estate as ABC, Disney, and TryJesus.com. When I finally reopen Lounge, it sure would be nice to have a star of your magnitude on the inside, no offense to Thom. I can’t pay you anything, but you can keep 50% of the profits from the CafePress T-shirts we’ll sell. And I promise never to censor you for saying things that need to be said.

Short Subjects

How to play guitar

When I asked Rich(e)rich how to play the guitar this was his advice:
first step- pick up the guitar
then get a pick
Play!
And what do you know? It works!